Shiftless Men On Idol

For the record, I have always loathed the show American Idol. The talentless and deluded wannabees that everyone enjoys mocking in the first few episodes cause me distress on a multitude of levels. The elimination rounds that follow are excruciatingly interminable. The final rounds are equally excruciating and conclude with a marginally talented victor who eventually produces an insipid CD for which my wife will spend a lot of money that would have been better spent supporting my ever increasing appetite for Bombay Sapphire.

That said, I have actually watched the last few episodes of American Idol. It's not because I wanted to, mind you. It's because, to paraphrase our man in Inglewood, my wife's an American Idol watcher...which more or less makes me an American Idol watcher.

To my credit, I'm usually watching with the latest copy of Modern Drunkard between my face and the TV, but I'm always ready with a "That's nice, Honey" or a "Yeah...I think he's a winner" whenever I think such a comment is warranted.

One thing I have noticed while being subjected to this God awful tripe over the past few weeks is that at every audition venue so far, the contestants have had trouble exiting the audition room. Specifically, those trying to exit through the left-hand side of paired doors have consistently been met with enough resistance to leave them utterly flummoxed in front of the judges who are delighted to point out the defeated fool's folly.

You can see evidence from the Minneapolis auditions here (with an admittedly humorous jab at W at the end).

Accusations that the American Idol staff were being intentionally cruel to obviously challenged contestants were met with responses like this:

If there's no deliberate cruelty on Idol, why in two days of Seattle did no one unlock the left door?

"It was stuck," (American Idol host Ryan) Seacrest said.

"It ended up being the funniest thing because it wasn't planned," (A.I. judge Paula) Abdul said.

"I went and hit it myself," (A.I. judge Randy) Jackson said. "Like, dude, come on, what's going on with this door?"

Then there's this picture I took from tonight's televised auditions in New Jersey:



If you look closely at the bottom of the door on the right, you can see three shims shoved under the door. If that picture's not clear enough, have a look at this one:



And this one:



"Like, dude, come on, what's going on with this door?"

To answer your question, Randy, it has been wedged shut by a bunch of sadistic producers who want to make laughingstocks out of well meaning but 100% talent free losers with nothing better to do than spend countless irretrievable hours pursuing an obviously pathetic pipe dream only to fail in front of millions of television viewers world wide and have their last moment of fleeting fame be spent struggling with an intentionally inoperable door.

Kudos, Fox. You may have made an American Idol watcher out of me after all.