Well, there's a reason why I've been so reticent recently (I haven't lost my amazing alliterative abilities either...Booyah!!!). My sporadic posting has been the direct result of my newfound desire to reduce my personal Carbon Footprint.
I know, I know...most of you still mock the teachings of The Global Warming, but hear me out. I have come around. I now very strongly feel that if I fail to do everything in my power to stave off the imminent destruction of Our Planet, I will have failed every single member of the human race. Not to mention all those adorable little paramecia and molds and such.
"But Atomizer, what does this Carbon Footprint nonsense have to do with your lack of posting?" I hear you all querying (NOT as gay a word as it sounds, according to my dictionary). More than you think, would be my answer. More than you think.
The electricity used by me while posting is an obvious one as it can take upwards of a eleven or twelve hours of me staring at a blank screen before I get properly motivated (read: drunk) to put fingers to keyboard, not to mention all the juice required to allow the millions of you to read one of my award winning posts*.
Then there's the gasoline used to get me from my palatial east side estate to my office at Fraters Libertas World Headquarters. The ride home hurts Mother Earth even more as I'm usually barreling down the road at an incredibly obnoxious speed with several exhaust spewing squad cars close behind. Those environment hating cops make me so mad.
I like to eat beef jerky when I blog. Lots of it. The long path my jerky has to take from inhabiting part of a cow (I don't want to know which part) to inhabiting part of me (equally distasteful, I must say) is a journey fraught with perilous Earth-killing activities so profound and disgusting that decorum prohibits listing them here.
I could go on and on here (most of you have probably stopped reading anyway) but you get the point. So, in light of my newfound respect for The Global Warming, I'm going to have to reduce my posting frequency in an effort to save The Planet.
It may seem so utterly futile, but if we all do our part we can make a difference. A million or so futile activities, or lack of activity in my case, can amount to a big wonderful pile of Earth saving futility. Wouldn't that be wonderful?
See you in two months. Atomizer...out.
*Inaugural recipient of The Nihilist in Golf Pants' Rock Solid in the Blogosphere Award
UPDATE--The Elder Rides To The Rescue: Fear not dear Atomizer, all is not lost. After a late-night emergency meeting of the Fraters Libertas executive compensation board, the firm has elected to reach into its deep pockets and pony up for an
No comments:
Post a Comment