Nice Leagues Finish Last

King heps me to The Sports Guy on the NHL draft:

4:22: Here's a cool wrinkle for the first round: Before every pick, each GM walks up to the stage flanked by four cronies, then stands in front of the podium and announces his pick. Imagine if the NBA did this and we could see the likes of Elgin Baylor and Kevin McHale announcing their own picks? Can we make this happen?

Anyway, Chicago GM Dale Tallon is "proud" to introduce tiny Patrick Kane as his No. 1 pick. This kid looks like an altar boy. I'm not kidding -- he actually looks like an altar boy. I hope his tremendous upside potential involves puberty. More importantly, what the hell happened to the NHL? As if things weren't already bad enough, the league's No. 1 overall pick is an undersized American who looks like the third singer in a boy band? Can we start sending them FEMA money or something?

It's just too bad that the best the NHL could come up with is a clean-cut youngster as their number one pick. I'm sure Simmons would have been much happier if a multi-tatted bad boy sporting shades, bling, and 'tude had strode up on the stage. Maybe we'll get lucky and learn that Kane has failed the league's drug tests or been arrested for beating up a stripper.

In a time where the sports pages are filled with news of drug-enhanced home run kings, the latest perp walk of the NFL's Most Wanted, and 'roided up wrestlers committing triple murder/suicides, the NHL's #1 draft choice looking like an altar boy seems to present the league with an opportunity to differentiate itself rather than a cause for concern.

At least Simmons recognizes a sweet sweater when he sees one:

5:57: Minnesota takes centre Colton Gillies at No. 16. I'm digging some of these names. Colton Gillies. Keaton Ellerby. Logan Couture. I swear, Steven Seagal played a character with one of those names.

(Wait, that's a sweet Minnesota Wild jersey Colton's putting on! What a beauty! It's a blood-red sweater with green patches on the arms, a green bottom and a circular green and white logo in the middle. Very handsome. Have you seen those? That's the first NHL jersey I've liked since the Original Six.)