Drunkards & Bloggers Report

Lately, we've been fielding a lot of e-mail and phone calls here at Fraters Libertas Inc. world headquarters from people inquiring about the whereabouts of Atomizer. Sure, most are from collectors representing local watering holes looking for him to pony up for bar tabs that make Obama's budget seem fiscally responsibly, but a few are actually from concerned readers wondering what has become of the reclusive fourth Frater.

Firstly, we should clear up an ugly rumor making the rounds. The reports that Atomizer has given up his precious gin, converted to Islam, and journeyed to Somali to wage jihad are grossly exaggerated. C'mon people, this is Minnesota. Do you really think something so exotic could happen here?

No, Atomizer has been occupied for far more noble pursuits. He's been slaving away to help get the new outdoor Twins stadium ready for its grand opening in April of 2010. It's taken a lot of trial and error, but he's on the verge of perfecting his design for individual beer cup holders on each seat.

He'd like to thank the taxpayer's of Hennepin County for being happy to pay their share of the new stadium and keep him off the soup lines. Especially since he lives in Dakota County. And if the good people of Minnesota would see it in their hearts to open up their wallets to fund a new Vikings stadium (keeping him employed well past April 2010), he'd be much obliged. If that doesn't pan out, I may have a side gig for him designing the rink I plan on putting in my back yard next winter. If Joe Biden should ask, yes, it is shovel ready.

Meanwhile, we do expect to see Atomizer return to blogging soon. He's heading to Fort Myers, Florida next week to catch the Twins spring training action and should be able to sneak in a post or two on his thoughts on the squad's prospects this year (hint: you'd be surprised how many bars have wireless internet these days). Then, he'll be back in town, tan (at least from his elbows to hands), rested, and ready to blog like he's never blogged before. Which, come to think of it, isn't saying a lot. Can't accuse us of setting the bar too high.