Baby, It's Cold Outside
Temperatures here in the Twin Cities are dropping faster than prices to advertise on Jay Larson's primary asset (I'm waiting for the "two cheeks for the price of one" closeout sale). It looks like temps above zero are going boys and they ain't comin' back. Until Monday at least.
These sort of conditions would be ideal for the fourth annual Hugh Hewitt On Ice event. Generalissimo Duane recounts some of the previous HHOI festivities:
In 2002, on a dare from Mr. Larson, Hugh and I conducted the first nationally syndicated radio show from an ice house on Lake Minnetonka. House, when used as part of ice house, is a little overly gracious in stating the size. It was a four-seater outhouse. But it was fun, since we rigged the fishing contest that ensued.
A year later, on a snowy, blustery night, Hugh used a newly operated upon shoulder as an excuse to get out of a hockey game. I had no such injuries. So I took to the ice for the fourth time in my life and got to play hockey with ex-NHL'ers and ex referees. Actually, they all played hockey. I was basically a pinwheel in the center of the rink, although I did have one legitimate assist.
Last year, the stakes were raised, and the temperature was lowered. It was snowmobile racing. The air temp was fourteen below, and we created our own wind chill when the sleds got up to 75 mph at times.
Unfortunately, this year's HHOI spectacular is still nearly a month away. It will be held on Friday February 11th at location that cannot be disclosed at this time. Hugh has elected not to allow his lil' buddy Duane to be in the planning loop this time around, a fact that has caused the Generalissimo much anxiety:
Something is up this year, and I don't know what. And I'm not happy about it. Hugh and Jay have formed an evil secret alliance. There is a rumor that Peeps from Fraters Libertas is going to be involved, but that can't be confirmed yet.
It's true that there have been discussions between Hugh, Jay-Lar, and me about the event and my participation in it. But the truth of the matter is that we have not decided what it shall entail. We've been tossing around a number of promising ideas, but haven't been able to reach a consensus. And so we've going to turn it over to the folks.
That's right. The theme for the gala 2005 HHOI will be determined by you the people. The five possibilities for competitive events pitting me against Duane are described below. Please consider them carefully and choose wisely.
1. Eelpout eating contest. Mmmm....eelpout.
2. Bikini ski race. (Remember, we're talking Duane here)
3. Figure skate off. It turns out that Duane and I have more in common than just our shared interest in feng shui. As evidenced by this photo from his misspent youth, the Generalissimo knows the difference between a Salchow and a Walley and appreciates just how tough it is to execute a perfect Ina Bauer.
4. Rusty pole lick off. With Ralphie on hand, it seems very appropriate.
5. Write your name in the snow. We will be judged on color, cut, and clarity. I'm just glad my name's not Generalissimo.
Vote early, vote often.
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