Advice For A Falltime Homeowner

I had a war on my hands this weekend.

Sunday I made a massive assault on the yard. Like FDR, I am forced to wage a two-front war. And again like FDR, I set priorities. The front yard is the equivalent of Nazi Germany with a massive Silver Maple, two Choke Cherries and a Japanese Elm raining a blitzkrieg of leaves. Additionally, my neighbor's ancient Box Elder is the equivalent of Italy, an ugly and worthless player that adds significant effort for me. Two weeks ago I stemmed the tide with a North Africa-like campaign. Yesterday was D-Day. This is the end of the beginning: only the Japanese Elm has munitions to mount a further attack and its leafy weaponry is small caliber.

The back yard, like the Pacific theater, requires more patience. Hundreds kamikaze apples from two Apple trees bombarded my yard. My Red Maple dumped ¾ of its munitions on yard and deck. Two small Box Elders and several bushes retain much of there ammo, while the Apple trees hold plenty of Apples and most of their leaves in reserve.

Constrained by daylight and a desire to see the Vikes beat the Packers, I had to determine what was expendable. Cleanup on my deck, mulch and rock gardens will be fought another day. The backyard enemy contains significant munitions, so it didn’t make sense to attack the massive piles of leaves blown into the chain link front.

Casualties were high yesterday. Over 30 bags, each containing 20 gallons of leaves were delivered to a grave in the landfill yesterday. The total for the year is approximately 50 bags. My intelligence team suggests that only an atomic bomb can prevent me from losing another 20 bags this fall. Unfortunately, rather than mixing a Manhattan project, I spent the evening working on a piece & Summit.