Juiced

With three small children underfoot, my wife and I are constantly fielding requests for food and beverages. The most common of the latter is for "juice." Kids do love their juice. We try to somewhat limit the amount of juice consumed every day by cutting it heavily with water. This dilution makes the juice a little less sugary for the kids and saves us a few bucks, although we still go through a significant volume of it every week.

We expect the children to frame their juice requests properly and politely. That usually ends up with a deliberate and staccato-like, "Can...I...have...juice...please...___ (mom or dad)?"

But kids being kids, sometimes the desperate need for juice overwhelms their training and instead we get the demand, "I want juice!"

To which I've developed a couple of responses.

The first it to reply in my best Jack Nicholson voice (which is in fact really bad), "You want juice? You can't handle the juice!"

The second is to break into song (again quite badly) with a revised version of the Beatles I want you (she's so heavy):

I want juice
I want juice so bad
I want juice,
I want juice so bad
It's driving me mad, it's driving me mad.

Both responses usually result in a blank stare from the kids and a weary headshake from my wife if she's within earshot. Hey, if you can't humor yourself, what's the point?