I've been no stranger to airplanes during the last four weeks. Every Sunday night I take the late flight from Minneapolis to Kansas City and every Thursday after work I make the return trip home. One thing I have discovered after logging all of those miles is that traveling alone has some very definite advantages over traveling with others.
First and foremost, my schedule is paramount. I don't have to worry about anybody but myself. If I'm late to the airport and find myself hurdling unpredictable obstacles to make my gate before the cabin door slams shut I only have myself to blame. Conversely, if I turn up at the terminal 45 minutes early I can while away the time catching up on my reading and sipping on as many overpriced adult beverages as my heart desires without the reproachful looks from my better half that usually accompany this behavior.
As a solo traveler I've also enjoyed an increased level of seating flexibility. By paying close attention to internet based airline check-in services, I've been able to score an exit row seat for six of my last seven flights. For those of you who have never enjoyed the luxury that is the exit row think of it as first class seating without the service. Even a short 80 minute flight is made infinitely more enjoyable with those extra few inches of precious legroom. Finding one of these seats available is like striking gold so the possibility of finding two of them together is nigh on impossible.
Unfortunately, as with so many things, with the wheat comes the chaff. Flying without a travel partner inevitably leaves one open to forced social interaction with strangers. With nobody I care about next to me to talk to I'm often targeted by other passengers as someone who cares about what they have to say. I try to stave off these unwarranted attacks by loading my carry-on bag with books, magazines an iPod and some liquor so that at no time during the flight am I in a David Puddy like staring contest with the seatback in front of me.
This tactic has always worked for me. Several times I've had to endure a couple inane queries or comments from one of my rowmates but a brusque grunt while moving the book I'm reading closer to my face has always ended the annoying interruption. Granted, I usually get the stinkeye throughout the rest of the flight but, frankly, what the hell do I care? I have enough damn friends. I certainly don't need to make any new ones just because I'm forced to sit next to them in an overcrowded airborne metal tube.
My confidence in my ability to deflect these attacks was absolutely shattered last week while sitting next to a yokel from Bismarck who simply wouldn't get the obvious hint that I had no desire to hear him prattle. He told me about how he just got his seat on standby when the plane he was on had a flat tire. I grunted, smiled and turned the page. He told me about the time he flew to Europe and missed his connecting flight due to similar complications. I sighed, grunted and moved my book closer to my face certain that I had heard the last from him.
About two minutes later, he wondered aloud why it was taking so long to close the cabin doors. Shortly thereafter he pointed to the guy just boarding the plane and explained to me that they were just on the same plane together. I groaned, sighed, grunted, turned the page and pressed the book up against my nose. Then, probably out of frustration that I wasn't interested in being his best friend for the next hour, he asked me if I brought a book just so I could read on the airplane. Amazed at his question, I dropped the book in my lap, sighed loudly and told him that I did, in fact, bring this particular book to read on the airplane. I refrained from telling him that if he persisted in interrupting me I was also going to use the book to knock him senseless so I could continue reading it in peace.
Fortunately, it didn't have to come to this. My final parry hit the mark and I enjoyed the remainder of the flight in silence. Oh, there was a stinkeye or two cast in my direction but I didn't have to endure any more of my transitory neighbor's incessant chattering.
Bottom line here, people, is please...for heaven's sake, when you know you're going to be cooped up in an airplane for hours at a time, bring something with you to keep you occupied. A novel, a crossword puzzle, a Sudoku book....anything. You may just find yourself seated next to me, and I may not be so charitable next time.
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