Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the theaters comes news that Michael Moore has a new movie out titled 'Bowling For Columbine'. Apparently his recent book 'Stupid White Men' ( No link provided. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to ever buy this book. If you never knew of the existence of this book your life would be better. For further proof read James Lileks Screed on it.) wasn't enough to raise the bile in the throats of every decent rational thinking American. No, now we must be subjected to an anti-gun documentary sure to be filled with the hoariest of clichés and the weakest of arguments. Please God no Moore.
I have to admit that once upon a time I thought Moore was funny. Back in my college days I watched his first film 'Roger and Me' a number of times and found his populist critique of GM clever and daring. Why? Well, as one of the Soprano's might say I was "fookin' stoopid". The problem with being stupid is that you don't realize that you are until years later, if at all. Hell, during my college years I thought drinking a liter of cheap vodka until I threw up or passed out or both was funny. Fortunately I believe that I have grown wiser and more mature with age ( though there may be a few who would argue this point ) and no longer consider myself a member of the "fookin' stoopid" crowd. Unfortunately the same cannot be said of Michael Moore.
If you are interested and a glutton for punishment you can check out the synopsis of the movie . But if you really want to know what's going on it's probably best to hear from Moore himself and read his latest Mike's Message. Here are some choice excerpts:
I am very happy and excited to tell you that this Friday, October 11, my new film, "Bowling for Columbine," will open in New York and Los Angeles.
So buy your tickets now.
It is, I promise, the last thing the Bushies want projected on the movie screens across America this week. The film is, first and foremost, a devastating indictment of the violence that is done in our name for profit and power -- and no one, in all the advance screenings I have attended, has left the theatre with anything short of rage. I truly believe this film has the potential to rock the nation and get people energized to do something.
Yes, I'm sure the administration will spend many a sleepless night wondering how to counter this "devastating indictment". Be prepared, for the nation will shortly be rocked and people may "do something".
This is not good news for Junior and Company. Not when they are trying to drag us into another war. Not when a crazed sniper is exercising his constitutional right to own a high-powered rifle. Not when John Ashcroft is still prohibiting the FBI from looking through the gun background check files to see if any of the 19 hijackers or their associates purchased any weapons prior to 9/11 -- because THAT, we are told,
would "violate" these terrorists' sacred Second Amendment rights!
Junior? Oh yeah, 'cause of his Dad and everything. Wow now that's funny. One can only hope the movie is able to equal such sharp edged wit as Moore displays here. And if you were wondering who was really resposnsible for 9/11 you now know. The NRA. I guess it makes sense right?
Yes, I believe this movie can create a lot of havoc -- but I will need ALL of you to help me do this. Are you game?
Of course we are. I mean the whole point of making a movie is to "create a lot of havoc" isn't it? Where can I get my ticket?
Now I would like to ask you again to help me with my latest work, "Bowling for Columbine." It's a movie that many critics have already called my best film to date. They may be right. It is certainly the most provocative thing I have ever done. I have spent three years on it and, I have to say, it cuts deeper, harder and funnier that anything I have given you so far.
It's obvious that Moore does not suffer from a lack of self esteem. But can it really cut deeper, harder, and funnier than 'Canadian Bacon'?
The movie opens this Friday in New York and Los Angeles, and then in 8 more cities next week. How it does in these first ten cities will determine whether or not the rest of the country gets to see it. That is the nutty way our films are released. If it doesn't have a big opening weekend, you can kiss the film good-bye. Therefore, this weekend, this film must be seen by millions of Americans. Can you help me make that happen?
In other words can you help me make millions by shelling out $8 for a movie ticket?
"Bowling for Columbine" is not a film simply about guns or school shootings. That is only the starting point for my 2-hour journey into the dark soul of a country that is both victim and master of an enormous amount of violence, both at home and around the world. With this movie I have broadened my canvas to paint a portrait of our nation at the beginning of the 21st century, a nation that seems hell-bent on killing first and asking questions later. It is a movie about the state sponsored acts of violence and terrorism against our own poor, and how we have created a culture of fear that is based on the racial dilemma we continue to ignore. And it's a devastating comedy.
You see, Michael is so much more than merely a movie director. He's an artist. And I don't know about you but what could be funnier than a look at the violence, terrorism, and racism perpetrated by the American government against it's own people? I'm cracking up just thinking about it. Just in case the critics might miss it Moore helpfully points out that his film is a "devastating comedy". Devastating must be the word of the day for him. Good thing he can be so objective about his work.
This film is going to upset some pretty big apple carts. No film has EVER said the things I am saying in "Bowling for Columbine." I expect to be attacked. I expect certain theatres will not show it for fear of retribution. I expect that this movie will be a bitter pill for many to swallow.
Okay the arrogance of this prick is starting to get to me. Exactly what "big apple carts" are going to be upset here anyway? His delusions of grandeur are laughable. Notice the prevalence of the word I in his writing. And he's already clamoring for martyr status before anyone has even thought about picking up a stone.
This is why I need your help. Movies live or die based on what happens at the box office the first weekend of its release. I need you, if you live in the New York or L.A. area, to go see "Bowling for Columbine" this Friday and Saturday -- and take as many family members and friends with you as possible. I guarantee you will not be disappointed -- and you may just see one of the best films of the year.
And then buy my book, feed my dog, and take out my trash. Please make as much money for me as you possibly can. The inflated ego of this guy is just sickening.
The hate mail, the threats, the promises of retribution have already started to roll in to the distributor of this movie, United Artists. They are not backing down. But how long will this last? I need all of you in the New York tri-state and southern California areas to go see "Bowling for Columbine" THIS weekend -- the rest of you can see it in a couple of weeks when it comes to your town. A strong opening not only means that the rest of America will see this film, it means that a good number of people who see it are going to leave the film angry enough to get active and get involved. If it does poorly, I will have a difficult time finding the funding for the movie I want to make next -- a film about 9/11 and how Bush is using that tragic day as a cover for his right-wing agenda.
Another shameless plug, actually more like a shameless plea to buy movie tickets. What a sad day it will be for America if Moore is unable to make his next "devastatingly funny" film on 9/11. How will the Republic survive?
Don't let that happen. Don't let the NRA have one more success by stopping the wider distribution of this movie. And, together, let us not remain silent in our opposition to Bush's phony war against Iraq.
Ahhh... yes if all else fails invoke the specter of the evil NRA. If you don't go see this movie then the NRA wins. What good lefty could refuse this call to duty? I am a bit confused on the "Bush's phony war against Iraq" line. Is it phony because there is no war right now? Or does he mean "phony" in that the war-which actually hasn't started-is somehow illegitimate? Perhaps another "devastatingly funny" film is in the works to clear this matter up. Or maybe 'Bowling for Columbine' will be crushed by the the vast right wing conspiracy led by the oppressive Bush administration and Michael Moore will be forced to peddle his biting insights elsewhere. One can only hope. No Moore, no mas.
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