Rock and Roll Rundown

Regarding the Rock For Change Tour, Michael from Omaha, NE sends in a motivational analysis of the participating artists. Apparently Omaha is the home town of Connor Oberst, who apparently is or has Bright Eyes (turn around), and many of Michael's friends went to high school with Bright Eyes, so we'll consider this an insider's view:

Pearl Jam - Apparently Nader is less of a candidate in their eyes in 2004. They flip-flop almost as well as Kerry.

Death Cab for Cutie - I really like this band, but have a hard time listening to an anti-war stance from a band with "Death" in their name.

Bruce Springsteen - Bruce is the Boss. He could actually back terrorism and I wouldn't care.

REM - Of course they're pissed, Bush is the only thing standing in Stipe's way from wearing his Vera Wang wedding dress.

John Fogerty - Gotta' love the dirty old hippie trying to cash in again on old political songs. Should be a step up from his County Fair gigs.

Bright Eyes - Finally, a legitimate voice of change. His privileged, middle-class background serves as great authority on his position.

DMB - Anyone with lyrics like "Hike up your dress a little more and show your world to me" is a Democrat by default, so I can't blame them.

Jurassic 5 - More like Jurassic Yesterday. When they give their act back to the Roots, maybe I'll care.

My Morning Jacket - There goes 137 swing votes.

Dixie Chicks - Their god awful rendition of "Landslide" should be reasonenough to ALWAYS vote exactly the opposite. Plus, they suck.

(SP NOTE: I really like the Dixie Chicks, especially the voice of Natalie Maines. And for some sick reason her petulant sass appeals to me too. Plus, their version of Landslide is beautiful and the only listenable rendition ever recorded of that song. Now back to the derision...)

James Taylor - Another democrat with an ugly kid - BIG surprise.

Jackson Browne - How happy do you think he is that he won the coin-flip against James Taylor for co-headliners?

Bonnie Raitt - I have no qualms against her stance. After all, she is a founding member of the Democratic party.

Keb 'Mo - Who in Des Moines WOULDN'T listen to Keb' Mo'? I'd say only the 400,000 people that live there and are asking "Who's Keb'Mo?"

Johnny Cougar - I've personally never been to a bad show that the Coug' has put on. But apparently, there's a first for everything.

Babyface - Couldn't be more obviously bandwagon if he tried. Don't know about you, but I always think of his social awareness when listening to "Whip Appeal". What better way to jumpstart a dead career than to take full advantage of the democratic process.

Admittedly, Kerry's backers are way more hip than those that make up my preferred party. And don't get me wrong, as much as I love Toby Keith, REM opening for Bruce just might be a better concert. Let's just hope our next President, whoever that may be, isn't simply elected because Keb' Mo's got his back. And lets just also hope that each of these artists remember that Saddam and Osama want to see them dead too.

UPDATE: I have been informed that Michael from Omaha, NE did not write the above analysis, he was merely the conduit. The author was none other than Chris from Omaha, NE. Please update your scorecards accordingly.