Going With The Grain

Sage child-rearing advice from John Derbyshire in the latest issue of National Review (sub req):

Human beings are not, after all, infinitely malleable. No one who has raised a child could think so. A human personality has a grain, like wood, that cannot be ignored. The trick with raising kids is to discover their grain, their innate inclinations, and encourage those that are healthful and civilizationally positive.

And not assuming that their grain is the same as yours. Much easier said than done.