Greet Googly Moogly!

The last time I watched the Vikings play the Chiefs at Arrowhead on television was back in September of 1990. I was with my friend Henry at The Speedway in Grand Forks, nursing one of my Top Five Worst Hangovers Of All-Time (sometime I'll have to post the details of the other four), the result of consuming somewhere around twenty highly potent gin and tonics mixed up by a generous bartender (a friend of a friend) named Stu at The Antique the previous evening. It was one of those hangovers where--during its worst moments of agony--you actually think you may just die and the prospect of passing this veilvale of tears doesn't seem all that unwelcome.

Obviously, I managed to survive that particular day after. The Vikings lost the game by three on a fourth quarter Chiefs touchdown.

Fast forward seventeen years and I'm once again watching the Vikings lose a game at Arrowhead by three after a fourth quarter Chiefs touchdown. But this time around wasn't quite as enjoyable. Yes, watching yesterday's game was that bad.

It's one thing to lose games. It's another to be so utterly boring while doing so. As a fan, you want "your" team to win and that's one of the reasons that you watch a game. But more importantly, you want to be entertained. Right now, I can't think of too many things less entertaining than watching the Vikings on offense. To call Coach Childress' "kick ass" offense vanilla is an insult to the flavoring. Because however bland it may taste, at least vanilla has some flavor.

To borrow a bit from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles: I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been watching the Vikings on offense. I can take ANYTHING." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. That Brad Childress West Coast crap. Woah."

The most pathetic part of the game was the realization that when the Chiefs went ahead 13-10 with nine minutes and twenty-three seconds left, the outcome was all but determined. There was no chance that Kelly "Once A Brown, Always A Brown" Holcomb was going to "lead" the offense anywhere. Just for good measure, Coach Childress pulled the one legitimate offensive weapon (remember the good ol' days when the announcers would spout the cliché about "all the weapons" the Vikings offense had?) off the field on the last drive of the game. We wouldn't want to have someone out there who could actually make a play now would we? No, that might actually cause some excitement for the fans. Wouldn't be prudent.

The members of the Viking defense must be biting their tongues right now. Through three games, they've given up three touchdowns and five field goals (their 12 points a game given up average is currently 5th in the NFL) while scoring three defensive touchdowns. And yet the team sits at 1-2 having now lost two of the three road games that they realistically had a chance of winning this year (they still get the Giants on November 25th). It's going to be a long and boring year. Again.

UPDATE-- Steve e-mails to correct and inform:

Hey, it's vale of tears, not veil. Not the same vale where you find the little brown church, probably, unless you were left there at the altar.

And the Speedway is up for auction Oct. 5; you could now buy that place of your tender memories. Current owner is selling it lock/stock and vale of tears.