And the Winner Was?

We still haven't heard who Chad the Elder caucused for last night. Did he sell his ideological soul and line up for McCain? Did he yield to the leash yanking of his dark Master Hugh Hewitt and go for Romney? Did he allow himself a last gasping moment of libertarian fantasia and make the leap for Ron Paul? 'Fess up. Inquiring minds want to know.

I did not attend the GOP caucus yesterday. Sure, I wanted to spend 2 hours in a church basement voting for people I've never heard of for the critical role of District Convention Representative (or something) and debating arcane resolutions to a party platform no candidate is beholden to follow. All in order to place a vote in a non-binding straw poll on Presidential preference. That does sound like a fantastic time.

But I felt it would be unfair for me, even in this miniscule fashion, to influence the Republican choice for President. My understanding on the candidates' substantive positions was shallow, I had not properly studied and considered the long term contribution each would make to our democratic republic. Worse yet, my impressions of the candidates were based on the superficial generalities provided by the mainstream media. In short, I was ignorant and overly dependent on emotionalism and style over substance. So, naturally, I went to the DFL caucus to vote for Barack Obama.

Actually, I stayed home. As Chad predicted yesterday, there was nothing good to watch on TV. But as my Lenten TV fast begins today, I felt compelled to spend some quality time with my old friend anyway. Highlights included a playing of the delusional global warming death fantasy movie The Day After Tomorrow on FX and the delusional Second Amendment death fantasy movie Bowling For Columbine on IFC. Left wing propaganda being played on supposedly non-partisan broadcast outlets on an election day? Evidence of a conspiracy to scare people and swing votes to the Democrat party!? Nah, that's pretty much what you get from TV any day of the week.

I also watched the Fox News coverage of the results. It turns out LIVE coverage of primaries and caucuses has far less entertainment value than a general election. Yes, hearing the final result for each state's voting was interesting. But having to follow that with an explanation of proportional distribution vs. winner take all and non-binding delegates and how the Democrat system differs from the Republican, and whether or not this result hurts candidate X because he was expected to this and instead that happened, etc., etc., times 23 states, made for a dull broadcast. Throw in the fact there was no final crescendo, nobody could be declared the ultimate winner after all this effort, and you might as well have been watching a soccer game on ESPN Deportes.

Fox also had way too many people involved in the broadcast. It results in the strange combination of overkill and superficiality, with no less than 10 talking heads and pundits in the studio ready to make pronouncements on any and all developments, but without enough time for any individual to really get into it.

Unsolicited advice, axe at least two from the pundit roundtable. Best candidates, Fred Barnes and Juan Williams. The former has no unique insights or personality. His only qualifications seem to be he's been living in the Fox News studio since their first broadcast in 1996 and no one has thought to ask him to leave. Regarding Williams, he has no unique insights and his only personality consists of a tendency to get his facts wrong. This is entirely acceptable at his main job at National Public Radio. But this is Fox, you're supposed to care about things like quality and attracting viewers.

Also get rid of the "bloggers" correspondent. Having someone read random blog posts on the air is very 2005. We all know better now, it's not a new or interesting phenomenon. If people wanted to know what the bloggers are thinking, they'd be reading blogs instead of watching Fox News.

On the other hand, Fox News also had at its disposal both Karl Rove and Michael Barone, two superior analysts of the process, historical patterns, and political strategy. But both had all too brief segments randomly scattered throughout the show. But when they were on, I learned something new every time. An election broadcast featuring only Britt Hume, Chris Wallace, Karl Rove, and Michael Barone would be must see TV.

The Elder Demurs: Badgering me to violate the sanctity of the secret ballot? Who do you think you are, Hugh Hewitt? This ain't the Democratic caucuses in Iowa pal. What goes on at the child-sized desks in the classroom where the caucus was held, stays at the child-sized desks in the classroom where the caucus was held.

Speaking of class, I'm glad to see that you resisted the temptation to employ an obvious and tasteless pun in the title of your caucus dissing post or reveal details about your marital relations that no one wants to hear about. Unfortunately, not everyone is as disciplined or prudent.