Reason Gone Mad

Remember that episode of "The Simpsons" where Marge and Homer are accused of being negligent parents by the Springfield Child Protection Agency, based on a series of misunderstandings about the origins of Bart's head lice, Lisa's rotting teeth, and Maggie's drinking from the dog bowl (while under the supervision of Grandpa)?

The key scene was in the remedial parenting class Marge and Homer were compelled to attend. Amid a series of laughably obvious tips on how to take care of children, the earnest and impassioned instructor lectured "Put garbage in a garbage can people, I can't stress this enough!"

To which Marge responded with an eye roll and grumble and by saying "this is so embarrassing," and Homer responded by taking notes and saying "garbage in a garbage garbage can? Hmm ... makes sense."

A funny scene to be sure. Funny because, in the words of noted linguist and humor theorist Thomas C. Veatch of Stanford University, conditions conspired to create:

"...a subjective state of apparent emotional absurdity, where the perceived situation is seen as normal, and where, simultaneously, some affective commitment of the perceiver to the way something in the situation ought to be is violated."

...... and hilarity ensues! Actually, I'm sure nothing more than effusive nodding and thoughtful goatee stroking results every time Professor Veatch uncorks that one in the faculty lounge. For the rest of us, perhaps the same theory was best summarized decades earlier by another noted observer of humor, Groucho Marx:

Humor is reason gone mad.

Applying this theory to our "Simpsons" example, that scene is funny because Homer's stupidity in not innately knowing that garbage goes in a garbage can is unbelievable, given our understanding of the basic intelligence of humanity. Furthermore, the fact that fully grown adults would have to be sent to such a class violates our understanding of how even the most intellectually challenged among us use common sense to operate in the world.

The simultaneous holding of these two realities in our mind (first--our understanding of what is normal and second--our observation of Homer's absurd behavior in an ostensibly normal setting), creates a paradox, causing a moment of subconscious psychological pain.

..... and hilarity ensues! But before you yuk it up any longer, I have to interrupt to say one more thing. STOP LAUGHING, it's no longer funny.

According to Saturday's Star Tribune, your definition of normalcy in the world and your understanding of humanity's innate intelligence relative to household cleaning and maintenance has now been proven invalid.

In an article entitled (in the print edition), "Renters Get With the Program," it seems there are people throughout the Twin Cities who would do as Homer did and react to the news that garbage should be put in a garbage can with suprise.

The property management company DMW Properties of Brooklyn Park has developed a program for problem renters called the Housing Lifeskills Centre. (Notice the Anglicized juxtaposition of the "r" and "e" on Centre--just in case you thought this program had no class.)

The Housing Lifeskills Centre, taught by DMW Properties Vice President Linda McNew, is a six-week course that teaches people who risk eviction or are homeless how to find and keep housing.

As an example of the ideal candidate for this program, the tale of Takelah Perkins is presented for your consideration:

Takelah Perkins' townhouse at Silver Lake Commons, an apartment and townhouse complex in Mounds View, used to be a party spot for her friends and relatives. As many as 10 people lived in the four-bedroom house at one time. Many more went there to drink. The crowd caused several fights that led to complaints to the police. Just a few months ago, Perkins was on the brink of eviction. She failed the landlord's annual housing inspections. She didn't pay her rent on time. She did not get along with the neighbors.

Not exactly a candidate for the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval. In fact she sounds like every landlord's (and neighbor's) worst nightmare. Not only does she run a party house, where drinking and brawling and transient house guests are common, she lets the place go to hell, AND doesn't pay her rent. Given the fact that she's probably responsible for driving down real estate prices for miles around, she sounds more like a candidate for a criminal charge on running a disorderly house than a prospective student at the Lifeskills Centre.

But that's where I'm wrong. Because it seems Ms. Perkins doesn't do these things out of a gross lack of consideration for others or refusal to take personal responsibility for her actions. Nope, according to the director of this program, it's because Ms. Perkins and her fellow students:

".... are typically not good renters," she said of the people in the program. "They don't know how."

A lot of the things we teach are things that you and I take for granted," McNew said.

So apparently the problem was that Ms. Perkins never had anyone tell her to occasionally clean her house, to pay her rent on time, and to not have parties degenerating into drunken brawls at her house every night. (To quote George Costanza--"was that wrong?")

Excuse my naiveté, but are there really people out there who don't comprehend that living in this manner is slightly problematic? There are full grown adults that don't have a natural sense of right and wrong when it comes to disorderliness, property damage, and nonpayment of bills? There are people who still don't get it, even after numerous visits by the police and angry confrontations with their neighbors and landlords?

Since this article appeared in the Star Tribune, I'll have to assume that all facts are correct and comprehensively presented and that these people do exist (at least in Mounds View).

Of course, an interesting follow-up question to ask would be how these people come to be? What set of circumstances and/or life decisions lead one to this profoundly retarded worldview? How does one develop this sense of egoistic entitlement, where there's no connection made between your actions and, say, your income or housing status? What causes one to assume someone else is going take care of all your problems for you, no matter how much destruction you visit on yourself and your neighbors?

What, Star Tribune, what?

Strangely, they offer no further insight. Perhaps they didn't want anything to get in the way of their happy ending. Because, you know what? The Lifeskills Centre is a smashing success. Don't believe me? Well then ask the director of the program:

"Once they get it, they got it," she said. "They'll be good renters. And they're proud to be renters."

Or ask Ms. Perkins:

Perkins said she no longer has other people living in her home. The parties have stopped. She said she cleans the house almost everyday and pays her rent on time.

She also has a bigger goal for herself, being a good mother and providing a good home for them. Perkins received an opportunity to fulfill that goal last week -- three of her her children were returned to her after being placed with child protection a year earlier. Her four children range from ages 13 to 18.

So, according to the Star Tribune, all it takes to solve these ingrained societal problems is a class where an instructor can say, without a hint of irony, variations on "put garbage in a garbage can, people I can’t stress this enough."

With the paradox between reality and Homer's reaction now resolved, in theory, that "Simpsons" episode is no longer funny. Thanks Star Tribune, for killing the laughs again.