Able Was I Ere I Saw The 2005 Twins
Tonight's game was the clincher. With three bases loaded opportunities against the Cleveland Indians (two of them with nobody out) the Minnesota Twins' mighty sluggers dug deep down within themselves and produced one...lousy...run. For those of you not paying attention, that brings the Twins season average with the base pads full down to an incredibly pathetic .135 (or 5-37) with just 12 runs batted in.
In order for me to regain my sanity, I must now place myself into a self-imposed state of exile. Every single one of my waking moments from now until the Twins bring their bases loaded batting average safely above the Mendoza line will be spent seeking peace and serenity through quiet meditation, desperate prayer and copious amounts of very strong alcohol and unfiltered Lucky Strikes.
These will be difficult times as I fully expect to lose my job, alienate my family and friends and further degrade my already inadequate physical health. On the bright side, however, my upcoming mental and physical breakdown should have very little effect on the frequency of my contributions to Fraters Libertas. In other words, you won't even know I'm gone.
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