Fraters Libertas

Step Inside

Well they paved paradise and put up a...J. Crew.

Actually, it probably wasn’t paradise. It was probably just a field. A field that at one time had alfalfa growing in it, or cows grazing upon grass. Paradise. Makes it sound like they tore down a Hooters or something...

I like J. Crew. It’s fratty, I guess, but not obnoxiously so like American Eagle or some of the other purveyors of cotton clothing with the surfing and the sandals and the colored t-shirts with rings on the necks.

I entered the store and was immediately seized upon by a fresh young lady who cheerfully wanted to know if she could be of any assistance. Well, she didn’t say that, (I would probably be so flabbergasted with desire at that point that I would not be able to shop) she just wanted to know if she could help me.

It’s always a little funny switching from conversations in your head to conversations with real, live humans. And I'm someone who spends most days in quiet conversation with himself. We go over all kinds of topics: politics, how much we loathe Ron Rosenbaum, what great hips that waitress had, the subtle genius of James Burton. When I have to actually speak to someone else, there is at times a delay like a stoned college kid turing over to side two of Yes’ Fragile album or something.

I looked around and spotted a goofy beach hat with lobsters on it. “Do you have any beach hats with embroidered lobsters?” I asked, earnestly. She laughed. “As a matter of fact...” and pointed to the item. I pretended I didn’t notice them and then said “Finally. I’ve been looking all over for these!”. I will readily admit that I have used this little bit before. At a tie store at the Mall (MALL!) of America, I told a woman behind the counter that I was looking for a tie with salmon dancing, did they have such an item?

It can work. And by work I just mean I get a chuckle out of her and then try to high tail it before I choke and say something not-so-funny. It’s not about trying to pick someone up; it’s just about a laugh (and I guess keeping one’s skills sharp).

Today a long conversation ensued before I could git. “I love these hats, they are so cute,” she said and playfully donned one to show me. I let her know that although it looked quite fetching on her, that it probably wasn’t exactly the look I was going for, but I would think about it. She then let me know that they also had hats with whales and then proceeded to cruise over and throw on one of those.

I asked if she had purchased either of these two bonnets with what must be her considerable employee discount. No, she had just scored a cowboy hat a few weeks ago for a trip to Las Vegas, and that pretty much nixed the hat budget for the month.

Oh Vegas. Yeah. Looks like you got some sun. Oh, a little. I didn’t think you could get that kind of color in March in Minnesota. Heh heh.

Are you going parachuting? she asked. “The book,” I thought to myself and remembered that I was holding the nerdiest-named book in the history of the world “What Color Is Your Parachute” a job seekers handbook of sorts. After explaining to her what it was, she smiled wistfully and said that she had been out of work for almost a month before she found this job. I didn’t have the whatever to tell her that I haven’t worked since July and have been living off the largesse of the state of MA since that time.

I walked around some more and spotted a nice piece of sporty cotton clothing (do they sell anything else?)on sale for ten bucks. I picked it up and let her know that I was ready to get it. Don’t you want to try it on? No, it’ll be fine. Are you sure? Yes. Guys...they never want to try anything on!

As I finished the purchase and made my way to the door, I told her that I would have to think a little more about the lobster hat and that I would let her know. I then reentered my inner world and quizzed my subconscious what had transpired since I left.