Playing by Al’s Rules

With Al Gore’s recent media blitz, it’s clear he’s in the midst of unveiling the latest reinvention of himself. Focusing like a laser beam on winning the hearts and minds of soccer mom’s everywhere, it appears we now have the soft and sensitive Al Gore, who feels compelled to opine about the issues most critical to our country’s future, namely, “love” and “play.” Anyone who caught excerpts of his recent interviews with Katy Couric or David Letterman has gotten a good look at the Al we’re probably stuck with for a while, at least until the poll numbers go south, or until he sees the need to reach out to the Joe Six pack demographic. FYI - that would be me (insert Barney Gumble-like belch here.) (Snooty critics of mine - insert Bryant Gumble-like sniff here).

But until then, prepare yourself for more wisdom such as this, taken from Al Gore’s new book (co-written with his wife) "Joined at the Heart". And when reading this, I dare you to not think of Al’s pedantic, condescending, haughty Southern drawl - because you can’t, it’s impossible.

Chapter 1 - Love

In order for us to feel "okay" here on earth, we have to love and be loved -- just as we have to breathe in and breathe out.

Love is not simply a feeling; it is a powerful elemental force that molds our lives and binds our families from the moment we are born. It is invisible, much like gravity. But just as you know gravity is present when you feel the ground beneath your feet, you feel love's presence when your beloved walks into the room, or when you touch the tiny fingers of your grandchild reaching out for your hand.


Chapter 3 - Play

Just as family is the place where we learn about love, it is also the place where we learn how to play. In the warmth of our families we learn to delight in simple pleasures, to laugh and giggle, to feel joy, to tell jokes, play games, imagine make-believe worlds, and let our spirits dance. Whether it is playing tag until everyone is out of breath, playing a board game or a card game, making funny faces and silly sounds, or climbing a mountain or skydiving together--whatever it is, the shared experience of play strengthens the family bonds.

Ummmm - OK Al, thanks for the tip (!?). I can only imagine the feelings evoked in the likes of Saddam Hussein or Osama bin Laden over the prospect of this guy directing a war on terror against them. Maybe adding some “muscle” relatively speaking, as his running mate in 2004 will help. May I suggest either Fred Rogers or Janet Reno.

As we approach 2004, Gore’s inevitable morphing into his next persona, that of a swaggering, macho war chief, will seem implausible. Will those looking for a strong, militarist leader really forget about the neutering Al has willfully subjected himself to? Perhaps not, but in case he needs a little artificial enhancement, there apparently is a product that might just be the key to getting the hitch back in his giddy-up - Neuticles.