They Say You Better Listen To The Voice Of Reason

Those of you listening to The Patriot Insider on AM1280 this morning you were no doubt questioning whose dulcet tones were emanating from your radio in place of regular host with the most Mark Yost. Those tones were, in fact, coming from the mouth of the Nihilist in Golf Pants who did a very fine job, taking into account he has absolutely no experience in broadcasting.

During the course of the show my name came up several times and, after a while, I felt quite guilty that I wasn't calling in to give my buddy a little helping hand. Filling two hours of radio time by ones self can be a very daunting task and that fact was evident a couple times this morning. I should have been on the horn with a witty comment or scathing insult to help him fill some time but I just simply couldn't bring myself to punch that number in because, and I cannot state this any more clearly people, Atomizer doesn't do radio. I may have a penchant for referring to myself in the third person once in a while but, again, never on the radio.

Why, you may ask, do I have this irrational fear of talking on the air given my familiarity with the boys from NARN? Well, in honor of The Nihilist's burgeoning career in radio, allow me tell you in list form:

The Top Two Reasons Atomizer Doesn't Do Radio

2. Hugh Hewitt

I have been a caller and a live guest of Hugh's a couple times in the past and every single second of my time on air has been spent worrying that Hugh is setting me up to be humiliated. I must focus so hard on not saying anything that will make him lead me down the path of self destruction that what I do say is meaningless babble...and that ain't good radio.

1. Mitch Berg

During the first ever broadcast of the Northern Alliance radio show, I was actually one of the hosts. I was in the studio with headphones on...excited and ready to begin my new career in radio. The banter was lively and I had some notes in my hand so I would be prepared when my turn to speak came around. Mitch tossed me a question and I began to regale the listening audience with my brilliant observations on the topic at hand when, in mid sentence, Mitch cuts me off and says "Atomizer, you gotta move the mic closer to your mouth if you want to speak." Completely embarrassed I quickly finished my remarks and then proceeded to clam up like, well..like a clam, for the rest of the broadcast. Since that day, I have vowed to never again speak on the radio.

There you have it, folks. So, the next time you're listening to the Northern Alliance and find yourself wondering "Hmmm...I wonder what Atomizer thinks about this", blame Hugh Hewitt and Mitch Berg for depriving you of my unequalled brilliance.