The Boy Ain't Right
There are some disturbing developments to report on the baby front. Recently I've observed the following behavioral patterns:
- Whining, whimpering, and wailing at even the slightest hint of a problem without ever offering constructive solutions.
- Complete dependence on others for all forms of sustenance. There's nothing he enjoys more than suckling at the teat.
- No respect for personal property rights (as evidenced by the number of "accidents" involving my shirts).
- No concept of personal responsibility: he's consistently making messes that he has no intention of cleaning up
Yes, the signs are all pointing to one thing. And as much as pains me as a parent to admit it, I can no longer deny the obvious truth:
The boy is a liberal.
(Sniff)
I also suspect he's involved in illicit drug activity as well. How else to explain the many pacifiers I've found in the boy's room? I may not be as hip to the jive as I used to be, but I'm no fool either. I've heard all about these "rave" parties that are all the rage with the kids these days.
So far my exhortations to Nathaniel to "pull yourself up by your onesie snaps" and that "the Lord helps those who help themselves" appear to have fallen on deaf ears. I'm going to have to step up my nightly readings from The Road to Serfdom and complete that application for the Ayn Rand School for Tots.
Fortunately it's not too late. What's that old adage again? If you're not a liberal at twenty days, you have no heart, and if you're not a conservative at forty days, you have no head.
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