After a mysterious, lengthy Brando-like hiatus from the world, Michael J. Nelson is back with a couple of new offerings at the section of his web site with the titillating (and for the most part accurate) title Other Things. The time off must have done him good, as Mike is in rare form with a look at how Harper Collins is retouching history as well as his long-awaited "in-depth" review of Dr. Doolittle II:
He brings the bear into the forest to meet Ava and though he is smitten, she thinks he's a geek, no doubt because she suspects he juggles. Now, in order to convince the she-bear that Archie is matrimonial timber, he must show her that he's ready to be "wild." This could have been taken care of rather quickly if Archie had simply turned on Murphy, mauled him, consumed a portion of him, then buried the rest for later. (The audience would have cheered as well.) But instead they begin working on him Eliza Doolittle style (no relation).
Unlike Eliza Doolittle, however, converting Archie to a wild bear involves a lot, I mean a lot, of talk about his bowel movements. Now, I enjoy poop talk as much as the next guy (which I assume is not at all) but when the bear eats too much ice cream, starts to suffer extreme gastric distress and says about a restaurant toilet, "It's not gonna be big enough!" well, I start to regret my last meal. And when Murphy himself says, "I have to give my sphincter a little pep talk," I begin to regret that I ever ate anything, ever. Later, when Murphy describes in nearly subatomic detail how the bear has to eat hair and moss to plug up his, um, digestive system, I begin to wonder if I'll stop vomiting during the current administration or sometime in the middle of the next.
If you like what you read there, you'll definitely want to tune in this Saturday to the Northern Alliance Radio Network Show (noon to 3pm streamed live on the 'net) when Mike will join us in the third hour. If you have a question for Mike or just want to talk about why he sucks, give us a call.
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