Must Be Steelers Fans

I guess finding a designated driver is still not enough to keep really drunk stupid people out of trouble:

A Pennsylvania man is fighting a DUI charge, on the grounds that he was in the passenger's seat.

A state trooper said Derek Pittman had reached over and was steering the car while the driver was taking a bite of a sandwich that he was holding in both hands.

The trooper said the car was weaving on the road before he pulled it over. He said he then noticed a strong odor of alcohol coming from the car and saw the driver holding a large sandwich with both hands. So he gave Pittman a field sobriety test and he failed.

The trooper said the alcohol odor wasn't coming from the driver; it was coming from Pittman. Records show that when the trooper asked the driver why the car was swerving, Pittman leaned across the front seat and told the trooper it was his fault because he had briefly held onto the steering wheel while his friend was taking a bite of his sandwich.

Pittman's attorney said the driver never took his hand off the steering wheel, so the charge should be thrown out.

Police said the driver passed a breath test, but the passenger had a blood-alcohol content nearly three times the legal limit for driving in Pennsylvania.

Other reports of this story state that both the passenger and driver admitted to drinking in a bar before the incident. Leaving aside the stupidity of that admission, both of these guys are utter morons.

If I'm ever in the unfortunate position of being that much more sober than a drinking buddy, under no circumstances will I allow my drooling stumblebum of a friend to touch the steering wheel while I'm the acting designated driver...regardless of the size of my sandwich. What's the freakin' point of putting myself at risk of a DUI to get my idiot friend home if I'm just going to allow him to grab ahold of the wheel and attract the attention of every John Q. Law on the interstate?

If I'm going to be that stupid, I might as well let the pushy little sot drive us both home himself. Then he's the one calling his wife at 3:00AM from the drunk tank while I'm at home eating my big sandwich and sipping on a nightcap.

Despite the stupidity demonstrated by the driver, this Pittman clod is the real hooplehead of the duo. If I'm ever lucky enough to have a buddy drive me home when I'm well past the legal limit and we end up being stopped by the cops...I'll silently thank the good Lord that I'm not driving, sit very calm and still in the passenger seat and keep my drunken piehole shut. My slurred prose, no matter how brilliant, can only make matters worse for everyone.

Worst case scenario in this instance is that I have to call my wife for a ride after they impound my buddy's car and stick him in the drunk tank while I spend the night on the basement couch eating his big sandwich and sipping on a nightcap.

So, to recap. Act like a Steelers fan while drinking and you get to face criminal charges. Act like Atomizer while drinking and you get to eat a big sandwich while sipping on a nightcap. End of lesson.