Window of Opportunity

How much is a witty, insightful PJ O’Rourke commentary worth to you? Before you start adding up the expenditure you’ve no doubt used to procure any of his many fine books, understand I’m not talking about money. Instead I’m talking about the worth of your patience, your sanity, and just maybe your immortal soul!

Slight exaggeration perhaps, but you should be aware that PJ is appearing almost daily on the KQRS morning show (92.5 FM). For at least the past week he’s been doing live reports from Kuwait City. And he promises to continue to do so, from there and all points north until this war is concluded.

Many of you may already know this, since the show continues to get an astounding 30% of all radio listeners in the Twin Cities during morning drive, as it has for years. But as loyal and numerous as KQ’s adherents are, there is a vast segment Minnesotans who would rather listen to repeated playings of a Morse Code rendition of The Bay City Rollers’ “Saturday Night” than to Tommy B. and the gang.

I’m somewhere in the middle (the moderate that I am). I think Tom Bernard is a legitimately funny person, a master of ridicule, and a talented broadcaster. It’s everything else about that show that stinks. The alternately insufferable and buffoonish sidekick menagerie, the topic selection (literally every other story they cover seems to be about some guy getting his genitals crushed, sawed off or stuck in a swimming pool drainage vent), and of course the music.

My God the music. They’ve relentlessly bludgeoned their audience with the same 50 or so Classic Rock songs for the past 20 years and ruined them for all time. There’s nothing inherently wrong with a song like “Honky Tonk Woman.” But due to KQ’s sickening overexposure of it, the mere mention of the words “I met a gin soaked bar room queen in Memphis” involuntarily triggers my right arm to lash out in an attempt to punch another preset button on my radio before another syllable can be heard. Sadly, the words “I met a gin soaked bar room queen in Memphis” start about half the conversations among my social circle. As a result I’ve lost many friends who’ve felt the spasmodic wrath of my right hand.

But I love PJ. And if you can tune in to KQ at just the right time, you get nothing but Barnard and him discussing the war and it’s been good. So far it’s been occuring between about 7:30 - 8:00 AM. I wish you luck.