I Don't Make A Party Out Of Lovin' (sandals)
Ahhh...the beautiful summer weather is here. Glorious sun, blue sky as far as the eye can see, the nothing-says-summer-better aroma of lilacs (I don’t know what Lileks smells like).
Many are breaking out their summer duds for the first time. Shorts are coming out of the storage box. Linen shirts are being ironed for hours to make them at least presentable.
And somewhere in the closet lay those sandals you got a few years ago.
Let’s just end this little charade right now, shall we? The sandals must go. Dispatch them to the ash can this instant. You are an adult, and unless you’re still an active hacky-sacker or a university professor, then it must end, now.
Do you really think anyone wants to see your calloused, fish-belly-white, hairy feet? Why would you put society through viewing that nasty, worn-out old leather with literally years of sweat and fungususses ground in?
Does anyone want to know firsthand your skills at toenail clipping? At loofahing your corns?
And I’ll not even mention the odoriferous sins you commit simply sauntering by.
So before you even put them on for one more season, just end it.
As Merle put it:
leather boots are still in style for manly footwear
beads and roman sandals won’t be seen
Amen.
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