Fraters Libertas

I'm In The Army Now

A strange, unsolicited e-mail showed up in my inbox the other day. I'm still not sure if it's a devious new method of transmitting a virus or merely a misaddressed promotion for the worst punk/psychobilly/alt country festival in history (which given their standards, doesn’t necessarily disqualify it from being in the top 10 best punk/psychobilly/alt country festivals in history).

From: jim@generalpatton.com
Date: Wed, May 28, 2003
To Saintpaul@earthlink.net
Subject: General Patton and his Privates

Seeing the subject line I immediately thought it was another of JB Doubtless's Freudian analyses of the erotic subtext present in the George C. Scott oeuvre. It's a topic he's obsessed with, which is kind of disturbing. But I must say his essay "Dr. Stranger Love: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Obsession with the Erotic Subtext Present in the George C. Scott Oeuvre" was poignant. So much so it has been nominated for a 2003 Bloggie Award, in the category “Best Post About George C. Scott’s Genitals (Non Prostate Division)".

But this e-mail wasn't from Doubtless. It appears to be from an actual member of General Patton & His Privates (pun intended, but now regretted).

General Patton & His Privates are playing our first outside carnival of the year, this Friday, May 30th, at St. Sylvester's in Logan Square, 2157 N. Humboldt Blvd. in Logan Square.

Their first outside carnival of the year? Outside of what? Prison? A methadone clinic? The suffocating straight jacket of the traditional popular music norms of good musicianship, melody, and coherent song structure?

We will go on at 8:00 till 10:00 p.m., but get there early and go on some of the rides!

Because nothing primes one for two hours of irony-fueled, head banging, gut wrenching rawk better than a trip on the Merry-Go-Round.

Also, an early reminder for the next big summer fest...
The Peace Fest, coming up this July 12th & 13th, at Cricket Hill (Montrose & the lakefront).

Some of the bands performing will include:

Electric Medicine
Pissbucket
General Patton & His Privates
Flathead Fillups
Broken Finger
Leroy Fix
Waste

The “Peace” Fest you say? Featuring Pissbucket, Broken Finger, Flathead Fillups, and Waste? That lineup sounds more like the leftovers of a visit to a really incompetent proctologist than it does a band roster.

The Peace Fest is a freedom of speech rally that will showcase 16 bands, including folk music, eloquent poets, drum circles, and lots of great healthy foods from the Heartland Cafe in Rogers Park.

Peace Fest? Featuring 16 bands, drum circles, AND eloquent poets!? (By the way, my favorite type of performing poets are the eloquent ones. That is, other than the deaf, mute ones).

I’m forced to conclude the promoters of this event disagree with Messrs. Merriam and Webster in defining “peace” as “a state of tranquility or quiet” or “state of security or order within a community”, as I suspect the opposite will besieging the unfortunate neighborhood hosting this event.

The Peace Fest--- a creative way to look at reality. Free in our city park. More info later.

They’re promising me more info later. So it seems I’ve been drafted into the General Patton and His Privates army.

After a summer of updates from these people, I just hope it doesn’t all end with me sniveling and cowering in a hospital, crying “I just can’t take it, I guess it’s my nerves”. Because I don’t think my reputation could handle getting slapped around and getting called a “god-d*mned coward” by the lead singer of a band appearing at a Peace Fest.