Fraters Libertas

Change Is Bad

Since it seems that the entirety of the blog world is heaping praise on James Lileks today (here, here and here), allow me to join in the love fest. James hit the nail squarely on the head in yesterday’s Bleat:

…nothing I make in the Mexican realm will equal the Chili Cheese Burrito at Taco Bell. (Gasps of horror from the audience.) True. It is perhaps the only menu item so fine it survived a merger and acquisition. The Chili Cheese Burrito was a specialty of the Zantigo chain, a far-superior purveyor of FauxMex food. The meat was finely granulated, stirred into a cheesish fluid imbued with peppers, and served in a thin burrito. Mm mm. When Taco Bell took over Zantigo they killed the Chilito dead, but the people rose up and demanded their rights, and in a rare act of corporate wisdom they brought it back, for good. You can still ask for a Chilito by name, and they’ll make it. Ten years after the death of Zantigo. Amazing.

I was addicted to these things. When my friends and I were in high school, we used to bike 5 miles to the nearest Zantigo (the restaurant formerly known as Zapata) almost nightly to get our fix. When we heard the news that the restaurant chain was being converted to Taco Bell in1986 we went into full survival mode and scoured the Twin Cities area for any remaining franchise that was still operating to stock up.

This panic easily surpassed the New Coke scare of 1985 (although I’m still convinced that the present day “Classic Coke” just ain’t the same as the old stuff).

All of this fond reminiscing got me thinking of some other changes that have traumatized my fragile existence:

McDonalds’ New Chicken McNuggets
I like dark meat. It’s juicier than white meat and it just plain tastes better. I’ll take a deep fried chunk of chicken gristle with extra skin over a tasteless preformed mass of breast meat any day. If I cared about eating what is good for me I wouldn’t be going to McDonalds.

Van Halen
While I was not a huge fan of these guys, I can’t stand them since Diamond Dave departed. Consider this bit of lyrical genius shrieked by Sammy Hagar: “Only time will tell if we stand the test of time.” Good one, Sammy.

Yes
This band’s lineup has changed more times than Michael Jackson’s nose, but the worst had to be Trevor Rabin and Geoff Downes replacing Jon Anderson and Rick Wakeman. Yes just didn’t sound right without the pretentiousness of Anderson’s vocals and Wakeman’s keyboards.

1988 Minnesota Twins
Tom Brunansky traded to St. Louis for Tommy Herr? Who needed Bruno’s subsequent 105 home runs and 444 RBI. Herr, on the other hand, smashed out 9 homers and 139 RBI. Brilliant move.

Heaven help me if the Bombay folks ever screw with the recipe for Sapphire.

Update:
Yes, I have erred. I meant to say that Trevor Horn and Geoff Downes replaced Jon Anderson and Rick Wakeman in Yes. Thanks to Mitch Berg for pointing this out.

And, for the record, this "whippersnapper" was indeed quite alive when the event occurred (I have the black "Drama" concert t-shirt to prove it). I simply got my Trevors mixed up, both of whom did spend time as members of the band.