I Love A Parade

As a well known contrarian, I must take issue with the Elder's post describing his disdain for the Minnesota State Fair.

I love the Fair. I love everything about the Fair. First of all, I love the food. 90% of the food served at the Fair is fried and fried food tastes good. You could stick an old pair of Nike shoes into an Auto Fry machine and it would taste incredible. Who gives a rip if two servings of deep fried cheese curds could make your heart implode. That crap just plain tastes good. If you doubt the value of deep fried goodness, try munching on an unfried wedge of potato. It is crisp but lifeless. Then sample a wedge of that same potato after it has soaked in boiling oil for two minutes. The difference is immeasurable.

Then there are the smells. Ahhh the wonderful smells. If I can smell anything in the latter part of August, I'm incredibly grateful. Usually, those cursed microspores known as pollen have thrown my honker completely out of whack by this time. When I'm not sneezing, I'm wiping my nose and when I'm not wiping my nose, I'm rubbing my eyes. When I'm not rubbing my eyes, I'm drinking...but that's beside the point. The State Fair smells like...well...college, and I loved college. There's the stench of stale beer, a staple in any college residence. There's the smell of B.O., much like the lingering odor of your roommates who never showered after the morning of freshman orientation. There's the smell of 75 varieties of food, which reminds me of the science experiment that was my refrigerator. Animal manure and dormitory toilet room... enough said. Odors are very evocative and those at the State Fair bring me back to a time when I had no money, yet went out every night. They remind me of the years that I lived in relative squalor, but was happy. I'm reminded of the nights that I played darts and drank beer until 3AM despite the fact that I had a differential equations exam at 8:00 the next morning. Yes, the State Fair smells like hedonism...and hedonism is a good thing.

Finally, there are the people. While the Fair sanctioned freak shows may have vanished, there is certainly no shortage of freaks at the fairgrounds. Grab yourself a brew, park your ass on a bench and watch the freak show that is reality pass in front of you. No matter how bad you feel about yourself, whether you think you're too fat or you think your front teeth are too big or you feel that the zit on your forehead may soon envelop the entirety of your head, you can always spot someone who is worse off than you. This little exercise can be very therapeutic. When you can turn to the friend seated next to you and say "At least I'm not as bad as THAT guy", you've really reached a milestone in the journey of self acceptance.

So, to recap: fried food is good, noxious smells can evoke happiness and freaks make you feel better about yourself. Now, just in case my fondness for the State Fair might damage my uber-curmudgeon status at Fraters World Headquarters, I will offer you this: I hate puppies, babies and world peace. Bah!!!