Fraters Libertas

Learning From the Master

Yesterday 5:34pm
I'm at work listening to the Hugh Hewitt show as I'm wont to do after the office empties out a bit. Hugh has thrown out a couple of mentions of our on-going feud trying to spin the story to portray himself as innocent victim rather than the ruthless aggressor that he actually is. He then asks for one of the Fraters yokels to call in and defend our recent actions (taken purely in self defense by the way). I resist the urge to act, thinking that this is not the time nor place for a rebuttal. A coworker walks by my cube and I echo the feelings that Lileks and Brad Jones from The Infinite Monkeys have expressed earlier:

"The man on the radio is talking about me."

"Yeah, sure he is pal."

5:37pm
Hugh gets nasty, suggesting that we are incapable of operating a telephone, that we are all unemployed (75% of us are gainfully employed thank you very much), and that our mother's wouldn't let us come out of the basement and use the phone (none of us live with our parents although I think the Atomizer's mom still makes his lunch everyday). A man can only take so much and I can't standz no more. I reach for the phone.

5:39pm
The Atomizer has called in and is attempting to counter the disinformation campaign that Hugh has undertaken. He hangs in there quite admirably with Hugh and refuses to concede anything. Bravo. Meanwhile I have spoken with the Generalissimo and am on hold awaiting my chance. I work on my talking points and lay out a number of killer arguments that I will drop on Hugh. He won't know what hit him.

5:44pm
Hugh comes back from break and announces that I'm going to be on the air. Duane plays 'Everybody Plays The Fool' as the bumper music. Cute. Hugh introduces me and then immediately throws me a question about the President lowering the pay raise for Federal workers from 2.7% to 2.1% and asks me what my thoughts are on it.

I'm momentarily stunned and thrown completely off balance. This wasn't the way it was supposed to go down. I called in to discuss our intra-alliance squabble not some pay raise for govamint workers. I'm merely a humble blogger not a wonk like Freddy The Beetle Barnes.

But I respond as Hugh knew I would. I try to get make a point before the next question but Hugh cuts me off and continues with a query about General Wesley Clark. He's throwing some major heat and I'm standing in there just trying to foul 'em off to stay alive. I manage to survive the intense questioning and get a chance to throw in a few shots at Hugh before we go to break.

Off the air Generalissimo Duane tells me that I did okay and tries to claim that the bump was just a coincidence. His laughter betrays his guilt.

(Warning: geeky sci fi reference ahead)

Afterward I feel a bit like Luke after his light saber duel with Vader in the Cloud City. Although I might have suffered some damage (say losing an arm) in the battle I refused to join Hugh on the dark side. And I have learned many valuable lessons from my engagement with the wily radio veteran. Assume nothing. Expect the unexpected. Control your emotions. Lessons that I can use the next time I tangle with the Sheriff. And you better believe that there will be a next time.