Fraters Libertas

FRONT, TOWARD GEEKS

PBS on Saturday night was a showcase for the skinny, cynical, sneering geek music that seems to have taken over the planet. There was a live broadcast of not only Wilco, but also the much-heralded Sonic Youth.

Being over 160 pounds, fairly popular in high school, a viewer of at least one prime time TV show and an avid sports fan, I had never heard a Sonic Youth song in it’s entirety. I had been reading and hearing about them in the geek press for years as the smartest, coolest whateverest band ever, so I knew they would blow, but I have to say I was taken aback at how exactly bad they were.

The first song, an instrumental, lasted at least one hour with no discernible melody. It sounded like smart-ass teenagers doing a sarcastic tribute to the Allman Brothers. Uggh.

Next, reject-rock diva Kim Gordon took the mic for one of the most bitter, sneering tunes I’ve ever had the displeasure of hearing. It was some kind of message to the Cheerleaders (“Plastic Sun”), that this smart, deep-feeling student did not like them (or their “bitchy friends”) and the plastic world they lived in. See, she lives in the real world of suicide, drug abuse, VD, black clothing and nihilism--how could anyone not agree? This written and performed by a 45 year-old woman.

A 45 year-old woman.

Unless you actually are in high school and you fancy yourself one of the smart drama grrrls who hates the Cheerleaders, why on earth would you want to listen to this atonal garbage?

Once in a while the camera would pan to the crowd and their reaction was instructive. How exactly does one react to this kind of crap? There were plenty of fellow-traveler geeks in attendance who would kind of bob their heads as if to say “Yes, I get it. This is some of the smartest, most important music I’ve ever heard.” Apparently, feeling cool and thinking you Get It is what geek rock is all about.

It’s almost as if they consciously say “Here check out this quote-un-quote song--no melody, no structure, just some misfits with thrift store clothing thrashing about on Jazzmaster guitars with an angry attitude...I’d like to see the Frat Boys try to like this.” And when the Frat Boys don’t like it, then the geeks have achieved their own special little culture.

I can see the conversation between a fan of misfit music and one of his not-so-geeky friends:

Hey, how was that Sonic Youth show?
It was really...smart
Oh yeah?
Yeah. And important.
Right. But was it fun, you know, entertaining?
I don’t look for my music to be entertaining.
Right.

I wouldn’t mind this music so much if it weren’t CONSTANTLY referenced, written about and heralded as the music of our generation. And this doesn’t just take place in the alternative press, but in most major urban dailies as well, as evidenced by our own Geek-In-Residence at the Star Tribune Chris Remenschnieder.

The music nerds are have breached the compound and are attempting to take the firebase. Their sappers will keep coming until we open up the rhetorical .60 cals and detonate every Claymore we have.