As you regular readers know, there has been somewhat of a civil war among the members our august society. The Elder, JB Doubtless and Saint Paul consider themselves quite the trivia buffs and attempt to prove it every Tuesday night at Keegan's Pub in northeast Minneapolis. Unfortunately, they are forced to go up against the juggernaut that is Team Atomizer (a.k.a. Team K) and their dreams of glory are consistently brutally shattered.
How good is Team K, you ask? The 1972 Miami Dolphins had the only perfect season in the history of the NFL. The New York Yankees have been crowned baseball's World Series champions 26 times. The Montreal Canadiens won Lord Stanley's Cup five years in a row in the 1950's and four years in a row in the 1970's. These were all good teams. Team K is a great team.
Three weeks ago, we left Keegan's with our fourth consecutive victory. We heard the whining coming from my colleagues as they were dealt another bitter defeat and felt smugly satisfied that we had, again, proven our mastery over them.
We also felt a slight tinge of pity. They had always fought so valiantly and had the eagerness and, dare I say, moxie, that reminded us of so many of the teams that we had destroyed in the past. We thought back to how these teams that had been so hopeful in the beginning were now empty shells staring blankly at their scorecards muttering arcane answers to past questions in a vain attempt to achieve lost glory.
We didn't want this to happen to my friends, so we decided to take a few weeks off and let the boys get a taste of victory. And they did. In our absence, they won two consecutive titles. But then, they got cocky. After only their second win, their gloating was insufferable. They used our graciousness against us and questioned our superiority and our integrity. Saint Paul wrote:
The few in Keegan's who do remember Team K's reign of terror now openly wonder why they were ever thought to be so fearsome. In fact, one prominent patron was overheard describing Team K as "a proud, but cowardly people."
Their insolence could not stand. This past Tuesday, we returned to the battleground. The Elder and JB Doubtless looked pale with fear as game time approached. Saint Paul was nowhere to be found (I believe he was out, um...polling the electorate). The patrons of Keegan's, who had watched us take our seats with reverential awe, now looked at the boys with understanding pity. They knew the result of the contest even before it began. So, I presume, did my fellow scribes.
The conquest is now complete. Team K has crushed the very life out of yet another once proud competitor. Will this dynasty ever end? No one can say. But I can say that The Elder, JB Doubtless and Saint Paul will not be there to witness it. They have officially retired from Tuesday night trivia to pursue the less lofty goal of winning Keegan's new Thursday night trivia, where their skills may be more aptly applied.
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