Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Makin' All That Noise 'Cause They Found New Toys

This disturbing news came out of Orange County, Florida today:
A 13-year-old student...was suspended for 10 days and could be banned from school over an alleged assault with a rubber band...

Robert Gomez, a seventh-grader at Liberty Middle School, said he picked up a rubber band at school and slipped it on his wrist.

Gomez said when his science teacher demanded the rubber band, the student said he tossed it on her desk.

After the incident, Gomez received a 10-day suspension for threatening his teacher with what administrators say was a weapon...

"They said if he would have aimed it a little more and he would have gotten it closer to her face he would have hit her in the eye," mother Jenette Rojas said.
The old "rubber band in the eye" maneuver, eh? This Gomez character is one truly devious little monster. It should come as no surprise, however. Schools throughout this country are literally teeming with similar weapons that could be considered even more life-threatening that the rubber band implicated in this specific attack...and most of them are provided to our nation's students at taxpayer expense.

Take, for example, a typical algebra book. In addition to the obvious bludgeoning opportunities available to those in possession of this particular weapon, a student could very easily tear out a single page, roll it into a tight cone and ram it into the eyeball of an unsuspecting victim destroying not only their vision but possibly piercing the brain itself leading to massive and irreparable trauma or even death. The graphic nature of such likely injuries makes these textbooks very dangerous weapons indeed.

What about your child's calculator? This seemingly innocuous device is truly one of the more sinister weapons available to young children today. The small batteries that power these killers can easily be surreptitiously dropped in an unsuspecting teacher's coffee cup and, when eventually ingested, can result in necrosis of the gastrointestinal tract and/or complete respiratory failure within minutes. Trace amounts of toxic materials present in these batteries make this weapon all the more frightening.

Does your child's school have a safety lock on every single pencil box? They certainly should. Equipped with some miniature woodworking tools and a jeweler's microscope the average student can whittle a typical Dixon Ticonderoga Number 2 into a finely honed pointed stick capable of piercing scores of their classmates' jugular veins even before the day's first bell rings.

Every one of these diabolical killing tools is currently in the hands of an alarmingly high percentage of both middle and high school students in your very own city. This growing crisis should therefore be a cause of great concern to all of you parents, teachers and school administrators out there. Don't wait until it's too late.

Yes siree...the folks down there in Orange County really have their hands full with this Gomez kid. I really hope they throw the book at him. It just had better not be an algebra book.

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