When Did We Stop Beating Nick Coleman?

Apparently giving up the Coleman beat is going to be easier said than done. At least if our readers have any say in the matter (memo to readers: you don't).

Jim says there's no walking away :

It occurs to me that while you can promote the idea that others should let their subscriptions to the Strib lapse, you can't.

I don't want to cause any marital strife or a debilitating medical condition, but one of the reasons for visiting Fraters is to read the Strib rants. Coleman, Grow, the editorial page, they're all grist for a humming mill that makes everyone happy. Once your subscription lapses in N days, it's all over... (sigh).

Of course, there's always City Pages, The Rake, even the (MN) Daily, but, you know, they're far too easy. Nobody's parents, friends, co-workers read those things - unless they're looking for a show to see or perhaps a wonderfully depraved partner of indeterminate sexuality for afternoon fun when one's domestic associate is otherwise occupied.

So. It comes down to you and them. The Elder, as played by Gary Cooper, in the middle of the street, waiting for The Strib Gang, no help from the enfeebled townsfolk wracked by their concerns over the (urine-caked) homeless, the lies of George Bush, the gazillions of unemployed and underemployed, and, let's not forget, The Children.

And you're simply throwing your badge in the dust... that won't do.

And Tom concurs:

I beg you not to stop writing about Nicky Coleman. Reading and laughing out loud at your Coleman rants is one of the few things that keeps me sane during the day. Yes, his incessant, self-righteous, condescending blather over life's downtrodden gets old at times. But you would miss not having such a pathetic person constantly serving as inspiration for your writing material. You should view Coleman the way late-night comedian's like Letterman and Leno viewed Clinton--'yeah, he's an arrogant, smug SOB who thinks he's above the law, but boy does he make it easy on our writers.'

So take some Advil, look forward to Nick's next column, and get your pen ready (or mouse and keyboard in today's society). I am already in eager anticipation over what witty and well-reasoned Coleman Column you will come up with next.......

Knowing that a man's sanity rests in the balance is indeed a heavy burden. Instead of calling it a retirement, let's just call it a break. We're putting the pen down, not hanging it up.

UPDATE: Lest anyone be confused as to my intentions, I am not putting THE pen down. I'm just putting the poison pen that I've been jabbing in Star Tribune columnist Nick Coleman's neck down. For the time being.