Behind The Mike

Unless you've been hiding under a rock for the last few weeks, you probably are aware that the Northern Alliance Radio Network has been enlisted for double duty out at the Minnesota State Fair. In addition to our regular Saturday show from noon 'til 3pm, we're also doing a Sunday show during the same hours for two straight weekends. You can listen locally on AM-1280 The Patriot or via our live internet stream.

Last weekend was our first one at The Fair and it was an eye opening experience. You often hear how hard it is to do a remote broadcast, and locally you always hear about the challenges that the State Fair presents. But you can't really appreciate them until you experience them yourself (or read Chumley's daily chronicles).

The Fair is a grind. Don't get me wrong. It can be a great deal of fun , but there's just something about it that saps your energy. The crowds, the smells, the noise. The MPR booth. It just gets to you after a while. And we were only there for a weekend. I have no clue how a guy like Chumley manages to keep his sanity (insert joke here) during the dog days of The Fair. Or Anthony, a Salem employee who has been pretty much living on The Fairgrounds for the past three weeks helping get the booths set up. It's really an interesting sociological experiment at work. What happens when you take a cynical, hard-nosed radio pro from L.A. and drop him in the middle of the Great Minnesota Get Together for nearly a month? Talk about a guy who deserves some combat pay. And probably some counseling for post-traumatic stress disorder after he gets back to LA.

Saturday actually went pretty well. I rolled in at around 11:30am, we cranked out three hours of radio with the help of Mike Nelson and Hugh, enjoyed a couple of post-show beverages, and even managed to catch Al Franken's stump speech at the DFL booth. Have I described just how awful it was? Uninspiring, unfunny, and unprepared. As Saint Paul noted, "I did more prep work for today's show than Franken did for his speech." Now that's saying something.

Before Franken was introduced, Matt Entenza (House DFL minority leader) called Franken and Mike Erlandson (State DFL Chairman) the "twin towers of the Democratic Party in Minnesota". Besides being a bit inappropriate, the remark demonstrates the sorry state of the DFL today. If Franken is one of your towers, you've got a lot of rebuilding to do. And if anyone thinks that this putz can stand on the same stage as Norm Coleman and not get his head handed to him, they're delusional. When it comes to Al Franken running for the Senate, I say, "Bring him on."

Sunday was tougher. Mrs. Elder The Elderette My wife was running in her first 5K race, The Milk Run at The Fair, which commenced at 7:45am. Saturday had been a late night, and so, when I dragged myself out of bed at 6:30am on Sunday morning, I wasn't exactly bright-eyed and bushy- tailed. We got to the starting line right when the gun sounded. I considered it perfect timing. My wife did not share that opinion. But the results were good, as she finished eighty-eighth out of five-hundred and eighty some women who ran and eleventh in her age group. Not bad for her first time out.

She headed home for a shower while I wandered around the Fairgrounds before finally arriving at The Patriot broadcast booth. The booth itself is very small and is surrounded by a facade intended to give the impression of a mansion. We like to refer to it as The Plantation. There's even a white picket fence for leftists to sneer at and dismiss the suburban conformity of it all. The fence also affords a modicum of protection from the crowd passing directly in front of us, although I would prefer it to be a bit higher with more concertino wire.

At 9:30am Saint Paul and I joined David Strom on the Taxpayer's League show. Chumley grabbed a seat and jammed with us as well. I don't know if it was the time of day, the fact that we were all pretty exhausted, or just the right chemistry, but it was probably the most laid-back, relaxed hour and a half of radio that I've ever done. I had to nudge Saint Paul once in a while to make sure he was still awake.

After an hour break while Rabuse on the Right was airing, we were back at 'er at noon. Three more hours of State Fair radio, with all its twists and turns. The highlights were probably an agitated Kerry supporter trying to debate King on the state of the economy (a bit like me trying to wrestle Brock Lesnar) and Saint Paul's gut-busting riffing on the parade that passed directly in front of our booth. I'll never be able to watch the University of Minnesota's marching band in the same way again. Especially the tuba players.

Sunday also featured an appearance by The Northern Alliance Gospel Chorus (with help from The Man From Silver Mountain) as we faced off in a musical competition against Marcoux Corner, a very talented a cappella quartet. They sang "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da", we sang the National Anthem. It was a close call, but I believe the audience found their performance slightly more enjoyable than ours. We'll get 'em next time.

By the time the show wound down, I was fried. Four and half hours of live radio at The Fair is not easy, even if you do have a large cast of players. We laughed, we cried. We lived, we died (on the air). Mostly we learned. Learned how difficult it can be to do a show from The Fair. Which leads to my Top Ten List of Challenges in Broadcasting Live Radio From The Minnesota State Fair:

10. Trying to find the time to sprint to the nearest bathroom and make it back before the end of the break.

9. Trying to schedule and bring on the air the various guests, food vendors, animals, and musical acts in some semblance of coordination.

8. Trying to find a decent cup of coffee at The Fair. With the notable exception of Moonbeam, The Fair is sorely lacking places to procure quality java. There's hundreds of variety of fried food. Why can't there be a couple of coffee chains like Starbucks, Caribou, or Dunn Brothers?

7. Trying to use your laptop on your LAP. Having a WiFi connection out there is great, but broadcasting in the "front yard" on lawn chairs makes it tough to surf.

6. Trying to find two minutes to catch your breathe and gather your thoughts amidst the hustle and bustle. When you're in a studio, you have a chance to regroup during commercial breaks and think about the next segment. At The Fair, you're constantly being approached by people who want to chat or ask questions. Mind you, I'm not complaining. It's great that folks stop by to say hi, but it does make it difficult.

5. Trying to answer the oft-asked question, "Who are you and why are you on the air?"

4. Trying to use a remote mike with a marching band blaring away in all their glory two feet behind you.

3. Trying to concentrate on what you're saying as people strolling by stare at you as if they've just seen a three-balled tomcat (I can say that here).

2. Trying not to make fun of said people on the air as you observe them strolling by.

And the number one Challenge In Broadcasting Live Radio From The Minnesota State Fair is...

1. Trying to ignore the siren song of the nearby beer garden with its neon Summit signs and their glow of electric beer. Mmmm...electric beer.

And now all this can be yours. Well sorta. This Saturday we'll be having our second gathering of Minnesota bloggers. Last time around we met at Keegan's Irish Pub and a good time was had by all. This time we will be meeting at The State Fair. Specifically in the International Bazaar Beer Garden at 3:30pm. And if you've been dreaming about going on the air to plug your blog to our vast NARN audience, you'll get your chance. If you show up between 2:30pm and 3pm, we'll put you on the air. Come on down. Meet your fellow bloggers, toss back a coupla cold ones, and realize your radio dreams.