Went and saw those Amazin' Twins last night at the Dome, now winners of 8 in a row, opening up a 12½ game lead over the White Sox in the AL Central.
Despite the team's success, there was another relatively sparse crowd on hand. Which is OK by me. It lessens the mob scene out back on the Hubert's patio and helps establish the buyer's market for scalped tickets out on the plaza. Five minutes before game time we scored a couple of beauties in the front row down the 1st base side and watched the boys take care of those whining, malignant Sox in sprightly fashion. Game time, 2:15 and we were out the door by 9:30.
Last night was also Dollar Hot Dog Night brought to you by Hormel (as is every Wednesday night home game). In principle this is a dream come true. An entire delicious, gourmet hot dog for pocket change. But, in reality, it's a living nightmare.
Based on near riot conditions in previous years, Twins management now limits purchases to two hot dogs per customer, per trip to the concession stand. A fine, satisfying meal, two hot dogs. Of course, that's not nearly enough when you take into account the economics of the situation. For a buck a dog, you can ALWAYS find room for more. You'd be a damn fool to stop at two. And if you're going to haul yourself all the way up the 500 stairs to the concession stand to buy another, you'd again be a damn fool again to buy only one more. Because, you know, they're a buck a dog, and you can get two.
Long story, short, I put down four of those bad boys within an inning and a half. During the bottom of the third, digestion kicked in and my body began to rebel at my previously thought pristine logic. Dizziness, headache, stomach pains, early onset dementia. By the top of the fourth I was flat on my back in the aisle, praying an irate relief pitcher from the Dominican Republic would hit me with a chair and put me out of my misery.
No such luck, I suffered on. But, you'll be glad to hear the misery was only temporary. Turns out four hot dogs results in about an inning of extreme discomfort before all symptoms subside due to the body attaining some level of balance again (also known as "going into shock"). Four hot dogs, four bucks, about an inning of extreme suffering. Not bad.
Which makes me think I could easily put down 6 dollar hot dogs and maybe suffer for an inning and a half, two innings tops. By any interpretation, still an advantageous outcome. My mouth is watering already.
Reviewing the rest of the schedule, I'm sadden to discover the Twins have but 7 homes games remaining. NONE on a Wednesday. Dollar Hot Dog Night, brought to you by Hormel, is over for 2004. And now all we have to look forward to are the playoffs and maybe the World Series.
Ah well, wait 'til next year.
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