Sapphire Alert
Folks, we're a bit concerned about Atomizer and are asking for your help. No one has seen or heard from him since last night's Twins debacle. We fear that he's gone off the reservation again and may in the midst of a William Foster like meltdown.
He's been under a lot of stress lately what with his impending nuptials, his efforts to become licensed as an architect for Vandelay Industries, and the pressure that comes with being the NARN's "can you say that?" guy. Last night's Twins loss could be the straw that breaks his back.
If you spot Atomizer, we advice that you do not approach him. He likely is armed (with a bottle of gin) and may be dangerous (mostly to himself). Whatever you do, do not, we can't stress this enough people, DO NOT mention the name Ron Gardenhire to him under any circumstances. Please report any sightings of Atomizer to us immediately and then seek shelter. We will sound an all clear when the danger has passed. Which should be about six or seven months from now.
UPDATE: The Golden Girl has reported the first Atomizer sighting. She speculates that:
Perhaps he's admitted he has a problem, and is seeking help during "The Happiness Hour."
UPDATE II: Terry, the big cheese (to borrow a Nick Coleman term-hey he knows stuff remember?) at Keegan's Irish Pub & Restaurant informs us that he is ready for Hurricane Atomizer:
In the interest of public safety we are removing all Sapphire from the shelves in
anticipation of an appearance by the Atomizer. I have recalled my invitation to
Ron Gardenhire to attend tonight's quiz.
Sounds like some very prudent measures to take. You never really can be too safe when dealing with an unstable situation such as this.
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