Voting Advice for the Tragically Hip
The Suburban Nihilist emerges from his dark night of his soul long enough to impart some much needed perspective on the various 'get out the vote' campaigns being shoved down our throats this election season.
Easily manipulated, conspiracy-believing, ennui-ridden Uptown types may want to pay particular attention to his 10 entirely legitimate reasons not to vote, which include:
Since ballots are secret, you really don't know if yours counted.
If you are voting Republican, union thugs might beat you. If you are a minority and voting Democrat, the police might do same. While both these statements are probably BS, why chance it?
In the time it takes to vote, you could watch your favorite TV show, possibly twice.
Driving to the polling place pollutes the environment.
Hard to argue with that logic. Let me add that many are speculating a record high voter turnout this year. Everybody is doing it. So much so, it's bordering on cliché. Those desperately trying to stay ahead of the hipness curve may want to stay away from the polling place on Nov. 2. Not voting is the new black.
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