Fraters Libertas

Didn't Know What I Was Missing

I never liked The Late, Late Show on CBS, when it was hosted by Craig Kilborn. The host was the problem. His delivery was too derivative of early Letterman and too infused with self satisfaction. (For some reason, good comedians, like good bloggers, can't appear to like themselves too much.) As a result I never watched it much. Since Kilborn quit in August I never will again.

Now it looks like maybe I missed out on something. If only I would have listened closer to the jokes and ignored the host entirely. The head writer of that show, Ross Abrash, wrote an article for the January issue of GQ, listing just a few of the tens of thousands of monolog jokes he wrote during his tenure there (he estimates about 1% of which actually appeared on air). Some of these are so good, even Kilborn could have pulled them off:

Fred Rogers, who hosted Mister Rogers' Neighborhood, has died. Let this be a lesson, kids - heroin and motorcycles don't mix.

A man spent $100,000 converting his yard into Munchkinland from the Wizard of Oz. There's got to be an easier way to tell your parents you're gay.

The Backstreet Boys and N'Sync are getting together for a charity concert. The money raised will be used to help victims of the concert.

Declassified papers reveal that John F. Kennedy was on eight different drugs. He was so stoned that his Secret Service code name was Ted Kennedy.

A Web site devoted to "weird" news reports on a man in Dade County attempting to smuggle crack inside a baby's diaper. Is that what it takes to get a man to change a diaper - crack!?

Have you heard about Paris Hilton's new Christmas video? Miracle on Thirty-four Guys.

The cicadas are back by the millions - this is a tiny insect that wakes up every seventeen years to mate. Oh sorry, that's Tony Randall.

[Regarding a minor earthquake in LA]

Paris Hilton's bed collapsed. Fourteen people were injured.

Louie Anderson was found buried under 500 pounds of Louie Anderson.

Courtney Love was rushed to the hospital. I don't know what condition she's in, but I think we can rule out stable.

BTW, Kilborne's permanent replacement for the Late, Late Show started on Monday, a thickly-brogued Scottish comedian named Craig Ferguson. My first show review - damn funny. Never heard of this guy before, but he's a real pro, exhibiting none of the nervousness or amateurism I recall from Conan O'Brien's opening show - or opening 6 months for that matter (incidentally, I now consider O'Brien's the funniest show on TV). Ferguson is playing the fish-out-of-water, curious foreigner, a little confused by America, which should allow him ample opportunities for satire of US culture. The joke I remember from Monday: "I'm trying to lose my accent and sound like I'm from L.A. What do you think? 'Muchas gracias' - which he said in a hyper-accented Speedy Gonzalez voice.

Checking the net, it appears Ferguson has quite a career as an actor/writer/director, already behind him, including playing the British boss on the Drew Carey Show (where clearly the role/writers of that mediocrity failed his talents). More on Ferguson's hosting of the Late, Late Show here.