Fraters Libertas

Freddie & The Cruisers

Brian from Kansas City e-mails:

Enough of Miers, conservatives' struggles to maintain support for Bush and the GOP, and local Minneapolis-area politics. Give us your take on the story we all want to hear about: the Vikings Sex Cruise. Jim Rome is going to give me his take today, but I want yours. Thanks man.

If you haven't heard yet, he's referring to this:

The Hennepin County Sheriff's Department is investigating allegations of criminal sexual conduct by Minnesota Vikings players after a boat cruise on Lake Minnetonka turned into an out-of-control party that included lap dances and sexual acts, an attorney for the charter boat company said Tuesday.

Stephen Doyle, a lawyer representing the owners of Al and Alma's, a company that charters cruises on the lake, said cornerback Fred Smoot and another Vikings player, whom he declined to name, reserved a charter for a night-time excursion Thursday.

For those not familiar with Lake Minnetonka, it is a large, sprawling lake about fifteen miles west of downtown Minneapolis. It is one of the most highly trafficked lakes in the state and is ringed with homes. There isn't a lot of privacy available, even at night.

According to Doyle, the boats were chartered from 8:30 p.m. to midnight, but pushed off about an hour late.

"They were out for a bit, and then the crew was serving drinks and hors d'oeuvres and stuff," he said. "I think the first thing they noticed was some of the women that were on board seemed to be either changing clothes or undressing. And then they went into a galley, and there were three of them in the nude that were changing clothes. That was followed by them coming out and some of them doing lap dances.... That's where it started, and then it just progressed to just bizarre."

Details man, I want details and I want them right now.

Doyle said the crew, in accordance with company policy, reported what was happening to the captain of each boat, who called the home base and were told to return.

"Now they're still 40 minutes out, and they're getting frightened," Doyle said. "Some of the Vikings are yelling at the waiters and waitresses...and wanting drinks faster and trying to take over parts of the bar, trying to pour their own drinks....It's just really bizarre, bad, terrible behavior."

Sounds like a few of the guests at my wedding.

"Like I said, these kids are petrified. They're afraid for their own safety. There are people doing sexual acts with toys in the middle of the floor. They're on a boat here, having to walk around and serve a drink, afraid to stop serving drinks because they're afraid that people will hurt them. It's just really unacceptable what they did--the arrogance and the rudeness and all of those things combined.

"They get them into the dock and eventually get off the boat. We're talking about a scene with used condoms on the boats laying around, handy wipes used by the women laying around, drinks thrown and poured in places. It's amazing."

I gotta think that the first thing that each and every one of those staffers did once they got home was take a LONG shower with plenty of disinfectant soap. Other than that, I don't know what to make of this sexscapade yet. The jokes really do write themselves and I'm sure we'll hear every sex/football innuendo and double entendre in the book over the next few days.

Local bloggers have already begun mining this rich vein of material. A new version of the Viking fight song has been posted at Nihilist in Golf Pants and The Kool Aid Report is offering up one-liners, Haikus, limericks, and songs to mark the occasion. Read Mitch's post from yesterday, especially the comments. Ben proposes a solution at Hammerswing75.

The Minnesota Vikings. The team that just keeps on giving.