Fraters Libertas

Please Help Me Mr. Government Man/A Liberal Arts Degree From Vassar Aint Gonna Help You This Time

I love hearing stories about the general cluelessness of the typical urban liberal. Ensconsed in their cozy little world of chai lattes, Coldplay and black clothing, they go about their sophisti-macated lives rarely having to deal with what is often called the real world.

And when the real world does intrude, their first instinct is to call the government to help them like a child.

This urban gal (from Friday's NYT) found out that even the Ever Helpful Government wanted her to take care of her own problems like an adult:

With her husband and two sons out of town, what's a smart, sensible city woman to do if she finds a rabid raccoon in the garage of the family's weekend house?

Dial 911.

It was the obvious solution, or so thought Marie-Claude Stockl after discovering a foaming-at-the-mouth visitor at her Ancramdale, N.Y., retreat. Ms. Stockl, a pharmaceutical executive from the Upper East Side of Manhattan, accustomed to resolving apartment issues with a single phone call to the doorman, assumed the police would rush to her rescue.

Instead, the officer on duty expected her to exercise a little country self-sufficiency: "Just shoot it!" When she explained that she didn't own a gun, the officer retorted impatiently, "Then use your husband's gun!"

Their conversation went around in circles, and Ms. Stockl hung up, fuming. Ten minutes later, the raccoon died. Thinking that Dutchess County officials would want to track rabid animals, Ms. Stockl called again, asking the same officer if he would like to come by and dispose of the corpse. "Oh no, that's fine - you can do that," he drawled.

Nice snarky little touch there with the "He drawled" from the babe who wrote this piece for the Times. I kind of doubt a guy in New York drawled, but it was necessary to make the urban lass seem like the normal one and the guy espousing common sense seem like a hick.

Reminds me of the old days when a woman would jump up on a chair when she saw a mouse and shriek until her husband or some other capable man would come to do away with the critter.

The more things change and all that...