Hired Gadonka

Robert e-mails to wax poetically on our local gridiron gang:

The Pack is in town for an October battle
Their fans will drive in like a herd of green cattle
The cheese on their heads will be soaking up sweat
From the beer-induced worship of their hero, Brett

On our side of town, things haven't been happy
In fact you could say things are downright quite crappy
The Vikings, you see, suffer loss after loss
They can't score a touchdown without Randy Moss

Poor Daunte gets sacked every time he yells "HUT!"
And he can't make a play when he's down on his butt
But that's nothing compared to these new allegations
That happened while they had their little vacations

The boys took a trip out on Lake Minnetonka
With a bar full of booze and some hired gadonka
On two chartered boats each equipped with a crew
They set sail to party 'til midnight or two

What happened soon after still isn't too clear
Decorum prohibits me writing it here
Suffice it to say, the ladies were handy
Even though they lost Moss, they still got quite randy

The crewmembers freaked and reported the actions
The captains then had the appropriate reactions
They came back to shore and offloaded our boys
And told them they couldn't have fun with their toys

If that had been all that had happened that night
Then probably no one would be that uptight
But word soon got out that some girls on the crew
Were pressured to join the debauchery, too

The airwaves exploded with wild allegations
And rumors spread quickly on radio stations
The Vikings were facing a PR disaster
The season was getting worse faster and faster

A beleaguered coach Tice then appeared on his show
To tell us we didn't know all that we know
To make us feel better and lighten our cares
He predicted a big win against the poor Bears

And then came Big Sunday and what did we see?
The Bears beat our Romeos twenty eight to three
Most of us watching it saw the demise
Of our formerly powerful football franchise

But we've been down this road with the Vikings before
Remember Les Steckel in 1984?
We came back from that and we'll do it again
'Cause Daunte's a hero, a leader of men

There's no sense in beating this really dead horse
Let's go to the Dome and let's show up in force
We'll cheer for our Vikings and make them feel fine
And maybe, with luck they'll traverse the goal line!

So starting this Sunday, let's have a new take
We'll all jump on board or get lost in their wake
So let's get behind them, we know they can score
Be it out on the water, or here on the shore!