One Against Nature
I freakin' hate apes. Always have. Apes, gorillas, orangutans, monkeys, macaques--any type of feral beast that is vaguely human. And I've always resented this bizarre notion that somehow we have something in common with these nasty, feces-flinging abominations.
Personally, I share nothing with them. Some of you may, depending on your voting habits, taste in beer and belief in the vitality of punk music.
A short story to illustrate this point...about ten years ago, myself, St. Paul and his then girlfriend went to the Oklahoma City Zoo to enjoy some animals. St. Paul was deeply into a Scorcese identity crisis and carried an inherited video camera with him at all times. Tired of his directions as to my "motivation" I approached an ape exhibit and proudly declared to the filthy, putrid thing behind the bars "WE ARE NOT RELATED!"
I somehow think he (that is, the beast...St. Paul was concerned we were "losing the light") understood on some basic level.
So I was thrilled to read the following in this morning's WSJ:
Misapprehensions to the contrary, humans did not evolve from chimps. Both species evolved from a common, apelike ancestor (ed note: save for JB Doubtless--he was created by God and sent from Heaven to his mother's womb). Yet since the two lineages diverged some five million years ago, the genetic changes have been few. Chimps are our closest living relative (ed note: not really "our" unless you like the Sex Pistols or something).
There it is. MOST of us (DFL contributors aside) did not evolve from apes. Many did, I understand.
I'm just glad I'm not one of them.
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