Fraters Libertas

Thank You Pat Schroeder

I was hanging out with the fast-becoming Doubtlessette on Saturday and we were discussing her stint in the Air Force several years ago. Now to a typically wussy, peace-loving, modern man this conversation may not mean much. But to a kill-'em-all-and-let-God-sort'-'em-out conservative like myself, it was fascinating and enthralling.

She told me of her duties in the service, what a typical day was like, etc. Then she mentioned she had to qualify with the M-16 every six months.

Hello!

The idea of an attractive woman, clad in Air Force fatigues, her hair in a pony tail, sporting combat boots, squeezing off rounds from an M-16 literally made my Republican heart skip a beat. I asked if any pictures survived from the era, preferably of her brandishing military weapons in or near battle implements. Sadly, she replied no.

I asked her to describe in as much detail as she could remember all of the parts of the weapon...how she broke it down to clean it...what it sounded and felt like as she pulled the trigger...what her score on the range was...did she name the weapon?...basically any detail she could think of. And I have to say: a more potent aphrodesiac for a conservative man I know not of.

As we sat on my couch, she then reached over to my coffee table and picked up the latest National Review. "What's this?" she inquired. I told her it was a conservative news magazine and she opened to a story on John Kerry and began reading aloud. And I thought the M16 talk was compelling!

There is something about hearing boring political prattle tumble forth from a pretty mouth instead of the normal cast of Morton Kondrackes and Rich Lowrys that is incredibly satisfying. The words sound fresh, alive, meaningful and not a little sexy. I said I would pay her to record a list of political terms like "Voodoo economics" "Reagan Democrat" "Moral relativism" "Milton Friedman's Free To Choose" and "The defining of deviancy down" for me to listen to in the car but she wasn't having it.

I imagine she thinks I'm quite mad, but tomorrow she's cooking me dinner at her condo. She told me to bring a movie, but I'm bringing the latest George Will column and the 2004 Smith and Wesson catalog as our entertainment instead.