Fraters Libertas

You Thought You Knew Everything About Hugh Hewitt?

In case you have not yet heard, the Northern Alliance is once again filling the argyle stockings of Hugh Hewitt, and hosting his nationally syndicated talk radio show tonight. Those of you unfamiliar with Hugh might be interested in his upcoming unauthorized biography called Hugh Hewitt: From Legal Beagle To Shock Jock-A Man Of Many Titles [my choice would have been The Life of Ralphie]. The work, which is a result of years of extensive research by the author, who prefers to simply be known as JP, chronicles the series of happy accidents which have led Hugh to where he is today. Here's a short excerpt:

Born on February 22, 1936, in Warren, Ohio, Shock Jock Hugh Hewitt, a practicing attorney in California, is the host of a nationally syndicated radio show heard in more than 60 cities nationwide, and a Professor of Law at Chapman University Law School, where he teaches Constitutional Law. He is the author of four books, with a fifth to be published by Thomas Nelson in July of 2004. Hewitt has received three Emmys during his decade of work as co-host of the PBS Los Angeles affiliate KCET's nightly news and public affairs show Life & Times. He is a weekly columnist for The Daily Standard, the online edition of The Weekly Standard, and a weekly columnist for WorldNetDaily.com. Mr. Hewitt claims to continue to be active in the practice of law.

Hugh received a Bachelor of Arts Degree from Harvard University shortly after the end of the Second World War. Remarkably enough, unable to find work during the booming post-War years, Mr. Hewitt eventually found himself at the University of Michigan School of Law. This member of a bizarre and mysterious cult known as the 'Order of the Coif' eventually "graduated" with a Juris Doctor degree. (Inexplicably, Mr. Hewitt was not admitted to the California Bar until June 1989.)

After finally completing law school, Mr. Hewitt spent his productive years as a low-level functionary of the federal government (clerk to a hanging judge, government lawyer, etc.), occasionally rising to the mid-level mediocrity. Eventually tiring of the rarified air of Washington, D.C., Mr. Hewitt, continuing with his record of spotty employment, accepted a short-term position as Executive Director of the Richard Nixon Library & Birthplace, in Yorba Linda, California. After a very phlegmatic year at the helm of the Library and Birthplace, Mr. Hewitt vacated the position in September of 1990, leaving it in the capable hands of John H. Taylor, who served as Nixon's chief of staff for the past 10 years.

After gracefully clumsily departing the Nixon Library & Birthplace, Mr. Hewitt finally became gainfully employed with the Irvine law firm of Pettis, Tester, Kruse & Krinsky, eventually becoming a "partner" in the once reputable firm.

It was while he was "employed" at Pettis, Tester, that Hugh Hewitt earned his reputation as a tenacious and feisty litigator. In what is still spoken about in hushed terms as the Battle of the Big Birds, Mr. Hewitt engaged in a long-running battle with the dreaded and endangered Gnatcatcher on behalf of a group of patriotic rich developers.

In September of 1993, having exhausted the resources of Pettis, Tester, in his mythic battle with the Gnatcatcher, and already feathering his nest with his side occupation as a radio shock jock (while also showing his true colors as a TV host on the notoriously liberal PBS), Mr. Hewitt turned his back on his employers and set out on his own in the company of eight others to form the eponymously named firm of Hewitt & McGuire.

Mr. Hewitt is perhaps best known as the living example of the egg-shell plaintiff, following his series of debilitating injuries on jet-skis, snowmobiles, softball games, and while jogging. Much like his hero and role model John Kerry, Mr. Hewitt also claimed to have undergone rotator cuff surgery,. Just like John Kerry mysteriously and conveniently removed himself from the Presidential campaign for a period of time, Mr. Hewitt thus removed himself from competition in the greatest sports moment in Minnesota history, his Hugh Hewitt All-Stars hockey game.

Today the Beloved Husband of The Fetching Mrs. Hewitt, Hugh busies himself with his little radio show in Los Angeles, which is growing at a startling pace, adding new affiliates on nearly a yearly basis. His hobbies include folk music, mispronouncing words on the air, consuming vast quantities of orange snack foods, injuring himself in bizarre manners, and accumulating meaningless titles.