The 2006 Election Coverups

Predicting the outcome of any political race is extremely difficult for even the beltiest Beltway Boy. The myriad factors that go into the deep and rank stew of a race are impossible for any one man or group to get their brain around.

So, with this in mind I have developed a new method for picking winners--their hair. I have a bit of a reputation as a "Hair Nazi" since I delight in pointing out various wigs, toupees, comb-overs, plugs and other nefarious mane funny business in celebrities and politicos.

Ironically, one of the nation's leading election prognosticators (who has the Gislesinian nads to call his site Larry J. Sabato's Crystal Ball) is himself the sporter of a rather Kucinish-like rug.

So over the next few weeks I will be highlighting various races and determining the outcome based on the legitimacy of the candidate's 'do. In other words, if one guy is sporting a rug and the other still has his own hair, the latter will win. The thing to remember here is the fickle nature of the average voter. A lot of people don't even know why they vote for their man--there's that X Factor that cannot be pinned down and much of it has to do with the coiffure.

I mean how could you trust somebody who had an operation to get chunks of hair surgically embedded in his scalp like this joker?

Let's start by looking at the 7th Congressional race here in Minnesota. From the DFL side of things we have Collin Peterson. Hmmm...something not quite kosher about that head of hair. I smell a tooper. This picture makes me even more suspicious.

But what about the Independent Republican candidate, pharmacist Michael Barrett? Holy smokes, what is that thing on top of his head? (Btw, is that a cardboard cutout of Nahm?) This picture from his own website doesn't help his case much.

So far both candidates seem to have some serious integrity issues when it comes to their follices. Which is where Constitution Party candidate Ken Lucier comes in. Now THERE is a melon top I can get behind. He's a man, he's bald and he's not ashamed.

The race will be easily won by Lucier in a landslide.

Please stay tuned for more installments in this series. I don't think we need another hair fraud like this, this or this among our elected representatives ever again.

PS
Many thanks to Saint Paul for his help with this post.

UPDATE--The Elder adds: I don't want to insinuate that anything untoward is taking place, but that picture of Michael Barrett with Norm Coleman just doesn't seem right. It has a Reutersesque look to it.