Fraters Libertas

The College of Carnal Knowledge

The escalation of the college debauchery arms race continues. Reader Pat Dean (eeeeaaaaahhh!) passes along this article from the Rocky Mountain News:

BOULDER - Broomfield police are investigating allegations that someone in the University of Colorado athletics department hired prostitutes for football recruits.

"I received an allegation from a single source who alleged that a member of the (CU) athletics department had hired her to provide prostitution services to football recruits," Boulder County Sheriff Joe Pelle said.

First the University of Minnesota was accused of taking its recruits to strip clubs. Then St. John’s (NY) University basketball players were found procuring prostitutes from strip clubs. And now the University of Colorado appears to be skipping the middleman and directly procuring prostitutes for its players. Now that’s what I call a full ride.

Here’s the statement released on behalf of the University administration. It reads like they’ve hired Seinfeld’s Jackie Chiles to represent them:

"If true, this is an extremely egregious allegation with potentially serious ramifications for the University of Colorado's athletic program," their statement said.

Give the Chiles representation, in court I predict their defense will go something like this (from the espisode “The Caddy”):

Jackie: Well how would you describe this woman? Would you say she was an attractive woman?

Kramer: Oh, yeah.

Jackie: So we got an attractive woman, wearing a bra, no top, walkin' around in broad daylight. She's flouting society's conventions!

Kramer: She was flouting.

Jackie: That's totally inappropriate. It's lewd, vesivius, salacious, outrageous!

(Editor’s note: This is the second straight day Fraters Libertas has used a direct Seinfeld script reference as a punch line, after never doing it previously. Strange. And we swear it’s not intentional. The facts of each article inescapably pulled us toward Seinfeld-based conclusions. We simply had no choice in the matter. If you’re bored/disturbed by it, the blame needs to be cast at the New York Times and the Rocky Mountain News. Please write their reader representatives and let them know they’re destroying the cutting edge commentary of Fraters Libertas. Thank you.)