Fraters Libertas

They Fire Columnists, Don’t They?

Years ago I formulated a question which I’ve posed to many and to which I have never received an affirmative piece of evidence:

Do newspaper columnists ever get fired for being lousy at their jobs?

I know they occasionally get fired for making up quotes and facts out of thin air, for starting sexual relationships with interview subjects who also happen to be teen age girls, and for ripping off George Carlin jokes without attribution. But does performance EVER count in a decision of whether or not to extend the employment of paid opinionizers?

Over the years there have been thousands of these folks out there, being paid exhorbanant salaries to do noting more than tell us what they think on any and all subjects. Yet no one can come up with a single example of one being fired merely for stinking out the joint. Why? I can think of four possibilities:

1) They’re all doing a great job and always have and no one deserves to get the ax

2) Management is handcuffed in personnel moves because editorial writers have some sort of union seniority protection or because they’re like tenured academics and short of a mass murder conviction, they can’t get fired

3) Newspaper management is too out of touch/arrogant to realize/admit when one of their hires isn’t getting the job done

4) In the rare instances when they do get fired for performance, it’s charitably and plausibly positioned by management as the columnist’s choice or as a mutual decision.

The first option is absurd on it’s face, Layabouts, slackers, dead asses, and free riders exist in every profession (except blogging). The second option sounds possible, but since I’ve never heard of such an arrangement in journalism, I think it’s unlikely. The third option is very plausible, given my observations of the arrogance of a typical newspaper executive. The fourth option is even more plausible, since such events would pass beneath the radar of most average readers and thus wouldn’t be recalled when I posed my question above.

Perhaps it is option 4 that illuminates this article about Dan Barreiro. He’s a Star Tribune sports columnist whose been on staff, and stinking out the joint, for an appalling 17 years. Now he’s leaving, for reasons unclear. The paper says this:

"Dan [Barreiro] has been a great contributor to the Star Tribune for many years, and we wish him the best," said Anders Gyllenhaal, editor of the newspaper.

Barreiro gives us this cryptic line of BS:

... the time has come for a change. Part of this has to do with philosophical differences with newspaper management. Much of it has to do with the desire to build on outstanding opportunities KFAN has given me."

Interesting for this self righteous hard hitting seeker of the truth to suddenly become the Mona Lisa’s smile when it’s the shambles of his own life he’s forced to comment on.

KFAN is the radio station Barreiro works for. He has the featured slot as the afternoon drive host. Hard to figure what other “outstanding opportunities” he’s being offered beyond that. But maybe it’s not a coincidence that KFAN has also just began this new venture and probably has all kinds of outstanding opportunities during the lunch rush.

When I originally formulated the question of whether columnists ever get fired for performance, it was Barreiro and Pioneer Press columnist Bob Sansevere I had in mind. Each are sports writers, neither of them write very well and neither of them know very much about sports. Yet there they are, three times a week each, taking up valuable space in the only sports sections in town.

One could have read every Barreiro column over the past 17 years and never have gained a single insight into the world of which he writes. Barreiro, like many modern sports writers, would rather concentrate on the personalities involved than the games themselves. He fancies himself a moral conscience and considers mere sports beneath him. So instead of trying to understand and communicate the hidden complexity, ennobling aspects, and occasional grandeur of the games we love to watch, he chooses to devote himself to moralizing about social issues and ferreting out the perceived hypocrisies and contradictions given out by various wide receivers and point guards.

Fired or an independent choice to pursue “outstanding opportunities” as a men’s room attendant at a sports bar in Roseville. As long he’s gone, I guess it really doesn’t matter.