Sandwiches And Dignity

I would like to get a quick pet peeve off my shoulders. Poorly constructed sandwiches.

I ordered a shrimp Po' Boy last weekend at a place in LaCrosse (snarky elitist chimes in "Well that's what you get for ordering shrimp in LaCrosse") and there was no conceivable way to eat the thing. None.

It was served open-faced with a mound of small fried shrimp on one side and a mound of tomatoes and lettuce on the other. Each side went up 3-4 inches. As the gal sat the thing down I immediately blurted out "How I am supposed to eat THAT?" much to great chagrin of my wife who tried to cover by saying "He's only kidding".

I wasn't.

After some more grumbling I attempted to put the two sides together. I decided that lifting the tomato/lettuce side and putting it on top of the shrimp side would be better than the other way around. But as I lifted it, all of the lettuce and tomato slid off the french roll with about 60% landing on the top of my hand. I stymied my initial desire to fling the thing plate and all toward the chef who put this together and scooped the lettuce and tomato back onto the roll. I still didn't have a sandwich. I had two disparate pieces. That is not a sandwich and this was way more work than I wanted to put into the endeavor of eating lunch.

Noticing that the meal came with some kind of cajun-y mayo, this time I removed the shrimp from the other side of the roll, slathered it with the mayo and then put the shrimp back on like bathroom tiles in grout. Seemed to hold pretty well, so I quickly slapped it on top of the lettuce/tomato side losing only a few stray shrimp in the process.

I then squished down both sides together and was ready for a bite.

I took one bite and I swear 68% of the shrimp (aided by the viscosity of the mayo) squirted out of the back end of thing, onto the floor, on my pants or onto the table.

I was done. I couldn't wrassle with this damn sandwhich one minute longer and asked for a to-go box so I could continue the experiment at home where at least A LITTLE of my dignity would be spared.

So if you are a Chef, do you make these things this way just to mess with us? Because I have to admit, it's a pretty good bit.