Fraters Libertas

Inmates Running The Asylum

The honorable Brad Jones from Infinite Monkeys reminds us that there already is a man in charge of monitoring the North Dakota-Minnesota border, and that instead of just carping about the need for action, I should take up my proposal to close the border to further immigration with him. The problem is that man is none other than James Lileks, a refugee from North Dakota himself. Allowing Lileks control over the border is like giving Rush the keys to the pharmacy (sorry but I couldn't resist). He's not going to close the gates to his NoDakian brethren. In fact he'll likely encourage more of them to stream eastward on I-94, in caravans looking not unlike Okies during the Great Depression.

No, taking this up with Lileks is definitely not the answer. The way I see it we're left with two alternatives.

1. Revisit my proposal to cede everything west of Alexandria to the Dakotas and everything south of Rochester to Iowa (imagine the border starting at Winona running just south of Rochester, Owatonna, Mankato, and New Ulm then turning north to just west of Wilmar, Alexandria and Bemidji before ending at the Canadian border on the western side of Lake of the Woods). This would leave Minnesota a smaller, but much stronger and easier to defend state and could provide a cushion from further encroachment from native Dakotans or Iowijans. Minnesota would still have almost all that is good: the Twin Cities, Duluth, the North woods, most of the lakes, the Mayo Clinic, etc. I realize that we would lose Fergus Falls in the deal but it could be declared a "free city" or it could remain part of Minnesota and a corridor established to it.

Cities currently divided like Fargo and Moorhead and Grand Forks and East Grand Forks could be united under the rule of one state. Perhaps Fargo-Moorhead could emerge as a new megalopolis for the region. When North Dakotans would say, "We're goin' to the Cities", they would mean Fargo-Moorhead and not Minneapolis-St. Paul. A good thing for everyone concerned.

While we're at it why not merge North and South Dakota? I mean really what's the point of having two Dakotas anyway? It's confusing to the media on both coasts and is just a duplication of resources. One Dakota. One big empty expanse of land. Dakota for the Dakotans I say.

2. Build a wall. A really big fargin' wall.