Fraters Libertas

There's One Born Every Minute

From my Fraters-related inbox today:

From: gwenalcott@USA.com
To: gwenalcott@usa.com
Subject: enquiry
Date: October 9, 2003 12:42 AM

good day sales,

i browsed through your site and found some fascinating products in
your store on seeing them i had interest in them but i dont't know
what quailty they are of never the less i will like to purchase some
of your products so i want you to mail me the cost of shipping
international to lagos nigeria via UPS air express and i would be
paying with my credit card please i would also need your feedback
concerningmy enquiry. thanks

Attention Fraters members, looks like we got one on the hook here. Although we're really not selling anything, her references to our "fascinating products" and the fact that she's questioning their quality tells me that our friend Gwen is looking to get an unabridged, leather-bound copy of the complete JB Doubtless. I didn't realize fast food reviews, obscure celebrity look-a-like comparisons, and dancing on the graves of punk icons resonated so well with our Nigerian readers. But who am I to argue with overwhelming market demand?

Let's get cracking on this gentlemen. Elder, contact Hugh Hewitt, Mitch Berg and the estate of Joe Strummer for the inside flap testimonials. Atomizer, call your contacts at the Lagos, Nigeria UPS branch office and confirm those shipping charges. Me - I'll schedule a session at Glamour Shots for the Doubtless back cover picture. Doubtless, just start brushing up on your talking points. As your book rises to the top of the Nigerian best sellers lists, I imagine the requests for appearances on the various Nigerian chat shows and morning zoos will be overwhelming.

If we can act swiftly, I sense a fortune is to be made here. In our first shipment of books, I'm also planning to include a few samples of the "Deserve Victory" bumper sticker. There's got to be some kind of war going on over there, right? And I'm sure somebody deserves to win. (I mean besides us. Cha-ching!)