The Camera Don't Lie
Fulsome James Phillips chimes in with some reservations about my potential appearance on today's broadcast of Jesse Ventura's America:
Okay, you guys are starting to disturb me. First we are told to watch for The Elder's crotch (sorry, much as I enjoy F.L., ain't gonna happen), now we get the "brown sweater and the bedroom eyes"? If you think for a moment I am going to watch MSNBC and try to pick out the guy with the bedroom eyes ("not that there's anything wrong with that"), you are sadly mistaken.
I hear you James, but there's nothing we can do about it. Last week the director of the program made the decision to focus on the Elder's crotch. Perhaps it's decisions like that which have caused their ratings to triple over the past few weeks, as Jesse claims. (Editorial note - that's the final time I'll use the word "crotch" in a post. Feel free to print this one out and frame it for posterity.)
And I was born with the blessing/curse of these dreamy eyes. If I would have known they were going to make anyone in the TV audience uncomfortable, I would have worn my Foster Grants. But I didn't, so be warned, my heaters will be turned on to full effect. For those not willing to avert their stares, prepare for them to bore into your very souls. But any chronic viewers of MSNBC programming are used to that experience already.
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