The Real Liberal World
She?s baaa..aack. Laura Billings has returned to her post as one the St. Paul Pioneer Press?s featured columnists.
It seems like only yesterday she was lecturing us from her perch on Grand Avenue about the benefits of living under the Taliban, compared to the horrors inflicted by a US-sponsored liberation. Believe it or not, that was over four long months ago. Back then the world didn?t even know Nick Coleman and Laura Billings were married. That bit of scandalous, incestuous info didn?t slip out until Nick left the Pioneer Press and, I would imagine, left the uncomfortable whispering and askance looks regarding the propriety of their in-house courtship and relationship. He's now making us laugh and cry from the pages of the crosstown rival Star Tribune.
But now Billings is back and as the billboard ads around town tell us, the lady?s cursed with 20/20 Insight. Since there?s no evidence of this ability in her previous portfolio (instead, she specialized in cliched, haughty hindsight), I guess past performance is not an indicator of future results. At least when it comes to advertising slogans.
But one thing we may be able to count on is some insight into the home life of our town?s own Newlyweds (relative to public exposure), Nick and Laura. I think if we pay close enough attention to reading between the lines, we?ll find out what happens when two cohabiting, commingling, bleeding heart, elitist, self-righteous columnists stop being polite and start getting real.
With her first column out of the box, Ms. Coleman-Billings doesn?t disappoint.
Because new parents rarely enter REM. sleep, we are often cautioned against operating machinery heavier than a Diaper Genie, attempting to balance our checkbooks or saying anything to our spouses that can't be taken back.
What's this - trouble in paradise? With that last line, it sounds like she?s trying to mend some fences with her spouse, over perhaps some intemperate words exchanged in the House of Coleman-Billings. If so, I suppose covertly apologizing and working out your marital relations in the pages of a major metropolitan daily newspaper is kind of romantic, if embarassingly unprofessional.
I wonder if Nick will respond in kind from his column. Maybe a line like: ?sometimes the only thing that can dry the tears of a man weeping for the homeless shut out of the Winter Carnival Ice Palace is the knowledge that his wife is sorry for yelling at him for leaving the toilet seat up again.? We?ll be monitoring his column for any coded love notes of this nature.
Also, regarding Billings? reference to ?we new parents.? How old is Nick Coleman, 50-years-old? 60? Its kind of creepy hearing him put in the context of some fresh-faced young father trying to cope with the responsibilities of new adulthood.
The Billings column included one more slice of insight into her home life, this time with a direct reference to her betrothed.
This practically mirrors my own Tuesday last week, in which I rose at 3 a.m. (and 4:40 a.m., and 5:52 a.m.,), made chili, rallied my kids in front of "The Lion King," and delivered my own tough-talking state of the union address (the highlight of which was telling my husband that he didn't need to wait for a permission slip to take out the trash).
Confirmation! Nick Coleman was yelled at by his wife, for being an insensitive slob. And again, it?s all broadcast in the pages of a newspaper with a Sunday circulation of 250,000 readers. The poor SOB - how emasculating for him. No wonder why he?s so antagonistic all the time. And it?s no wonder he seeks out vulnerable populations like the homeless to grandiosely defend. When he takes out the trash for them, I bet they, at least occasionally, show some gratitude.
